So the good news is this:
I have slept.
There aren’t even enough words in America’s vocabulary to let me tell you what a game-changer that has been in my life. After ten nights of not sleeping well, and five nights of not sleeping AT ALL, AT ALL, AT ALL, I finally sucked it up and went to see my doctor on Friday morning, while Mam skipped work to take care of our toddler. Never mind that I’d just been in for a sinus infection a couple of days earlier… I like to space our insurance payments out, so as to maximize the amount of money that is leaving our checkbook forever this month.
Since my doctor was out of the country now (which is code for HE WENT TO MEXICO WITH HIS WIFE, BECAUSE HE HAS BIG PAYCHECKS AND THEY’RE SICK OF THE COLD AND THE SNOW), I got to see his physician’s assistant, and I fell in love with her. Like, the kind of love where I said, “You know, I’m just going to slap my signature on the sign-up sheet that says you’re my new doctor forever.” I’m sure she was overjoyed, considering that the cost of my yearly ailments will have her in Mexico very soon, too. (I think she was looking at new bikinis online before I had even walked out of her office.)
I sat in a chair in an exam room on Friday morning, and I basically told her, “So here’s the thing: I don’t sleep. Like… ever.” And then she gave me a little prescription for something that I can’t pronounce and said, “You will now.”
Bless her heart.
I took my little pill on Friday night, and… I KID YOU NOT… I slept for eleven straight, uninterrupted hours, while Hubs tended to our baby. The last time I did that, I was a 5th grader. I woke up on Saturday morning, feeling a bit hung over from too much sleep and a little disoriented, because certainly I had missed EVERYTHING that had happened overnight.
(You know, all the important things, like when each cat decides to have a bite of Meow Mix in the middle of the night and chew it voraciously, and when the boy sneezes in his sleep, because I’m always awake to hear that stuff.)
Last night, I took another magic pill, and I pulled off nine hours’ worth of sleep. I woke up at 5:15 this morning, on my own, and I felt refreshed and brand new and completely like a kid again. I even told Hubs, “I feel like my brain actually WORKS again! This must be what NORMAL PEOPLE feel like in the mornings!” Of course, Thing 2 decided this morning that, YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I’LL SLEEP UNTIL 6:45 TODAY. And he did. But that was just fine, because WHAT DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT ME BEING COMPLETELY WELL-RESTED? I got up on my own and read a book in the living room, and I just took in the beauty of a very early morning to myself, after two full nights’ worth of sleep.
(Thank you, Jesus.)
And then… I took Thing 2 in to see his pediatrician on Friday, as well, because EAR INFECTION, ROUND TWO for the season. He had done nothing but lie on our hardwood floors with his blanket bunched up beneath his head, and holler, “My ear hurts! My ear hurts!” I didn’t even need to use my mad skills on WebMD Friday to say, “I think we’re having an ear infection again.”
And that’s how Thing 2 came to be sporting more antibiotics this weekend.
Our Saturday was spent indoors, because it rained and it snowed, and then it blew crazy, nasty wind, and then it poured rain some more. It was all horribly ugly outside, and what Small Town, USA needs in January is RAIN, because our nighttime temperatures like to freeze all that water up and coat our streets in ice sheets. So, I played with the laundry a little bit, and I helped Thing 2 build an incredible train track that he smashed in a horrific derailment. We had lunch at a restaurant with Mam and Pa, and then I tried to enjoy a show on gold mining in Alaska that Hubs was watching, but this is what I learned: I could never live in the world’s last frontier, with the sleet blowing sideways, trying to pick microscopic flecks of gold out of some giant machine that keeps breaking down and making me have to approach my backers, asking for enough money to fix things up, even though I’m not hauling in any gold to ease their minds about all the cash they’ve loaned me in the first place.
And then… because it is exactly how we roll around here… the boy told me last night, right before I went to bed, “So, Mom? I think I’m catching a cold in my nose. I feel all congested and terrible.”
Which is exactly the same moment that I slammed my own head against the wall, because REALLY?!
R E A L L Y ???!!
CAN WE NOT HAVE AT LEAST A DAY-LONG BREAK BETWEEN EVERYONE’S GERMS AROUND THIS HOUSE?!
And, sure enough, the boy woke up this morning and had lost the ability to pull oxygen into his body through his nose.
I don’t know what it is, but the past six weeks have been known as THE WEEKS WE WERE UNDER QUARANTINE FOR EIGHTY DIFFERENT AILMENTS. The subtitle would be THOSE SIX WEEKS THAT ALMOST KILLED US WITH THE BACTERIAL INFESTATIONS. We can’t seem to catch a break between everyone’s immune systems being occupied by rebel viruses and guerrilla bacteria. So, I’ve done my level best today to nurse the boy’s sinuses with breathing treatments laced with essential oils and hot, lemon tea, and finally, “HERE! TAKE A SUDAFED!”
But… Hubs and I did escape this afternoon to see a movie, while Little Mister Sinus Problems stayed at home with Even Littler Mister Ear Infection. I know that this is a trait of horrible mothers… this whole concept of leaving sick children at home, with only the television for company, while the mother jets off to a dark theater and the promise of popcorn with extra butter. However, the toddler was napping soundly, and the boy was getting enough oxygen into his bloodstream with the help of a Sudafed, so Hubs and I took advantage of a cold, football-less Sunday afternoon, and we threw in a spontaneous date.
And, people, the boys did just fine at home. Thing 2′s ear infection has cleared up enough that he was actually outside this morning, helping Hubs shovel ice off of our bobsled-run driveway, and the boy wouldn’t have laid down to take a nap, if I had forced him to. They were good to hang out together for a couple of hours.
Hubs and I saw the movie Blackhat. Since Hubs is a computer genius himself and can hack systems, too, he always knew what was going on. Then there was me. I had to lean over and ask Hubs, “What’s malware? WHAT was encrypted? Where’d he find that code? What do all those numbers mean? What just happened to the soy futures?”
It was all very relaxing for Hubs.
Also? It wasn’t very realistic that Thor was a prison-dwelling, computer hacker, running through the streets and outdoor markets of China. Neither one of us could wrap our brains around the fact that someone who once played a superhero was now writing intricate codes to hack the National Security Agency, because… well... shouldn’t the main character have been a little more NERDY than the hammer-wielding, Crown Prince of Asgard?
But then Hubs reminded me that HE is a computer hacker, too, and he’s every bit as tough and manly as a superhero is, so apparently the casting was spot-on.
And that, people, was pretty much our entire weekend.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another eight to nine hours of sleeping to see to!