Mild Cheddar: The New Granite

Go ahead. Raise your hands. In fact, raise them really high, so that I can get a decent count here.

Who among you has ever found a whole slice of cheese, minus one bite from the corner that CSI: Miami could line up with the dental impressions of your resident nine-year-old, while you were vacuuming beside the sofa (on the FAR side of the sofa, where no one ever really walks), that was as hard as the granite counters you had once hoped to install in your new kitchen, until you realized that you could actually pay the new mortgage and eat something for dinners, other than air, if you simply had laminate counters installed?

Who? Who has found rock -hard cheese slices in their living rooms?

How long must a slice of mild cheddar be left out and exposed to the elements (you know, the wonderment that is called the furnace and all the warm air it puts out), before it becomes hard enough to use as a cutting board?

And who among you will believe me when I say, “Yes. Yes, my house is clean, minus one overlooked slice of rather crunchy cheese”?

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