So a Blind Man Walks Into a Bar…

We have had a busy weekend.

In fact, it has been the type of weekend when, now that it’s basically over with, we’re sitting down, trying to catch our breaths.

So you know, it was totally busy.

Eventually, I imagine that I’ll summarize the weekend in a decent-length blog post, complete with pictures (Oh, Regan and Amy, are the two of you ever going to be sorry for all of those pictures you forwarded to me on my cell phone on Friday night!), but for now, I’m simply too worn out to string words together into coherent sentences.

Before I officially sign off, though, I just have to say that we are the proud owners of blinds! We have blinds — real, official blinds covering our bedroom windows! Who knew that something that simple could elevate us to rock star status?

Blinds + Baseboard = Really Sweet House.

When we moved into this house a year and a half ago, we consulted the Blind Man (I laugh every single time I say it, and it never gets old at all — the Blind Man!), and he came and measured our windows, and then he proceeded to give us an estimate of American dollars that made me sit back and howl with laughter and simply pat him on the shoulder.

Dear Blind Man, when the sum of the blinds needed to outfit the windows in the house surpasses five months’ worth of mortgage payments, you have gone too far.

However, out of sheer desperation, we did allow the Blind Man to put blinds on our bathroom windows, because the enormous jet tub sits in a bay window. It’s a bay window with non-regulation-sized glass panes. Ultimately, this spells out the words Custom Order.

And after it spells out Custom Order, it spells out Spend Your Son’s College Tuition.

But we had to give the Blind Man the dollars that he requested, because the bathroom is really the place where you need some window coverings.

I’m sorry, Boy. You’ll never be able to go to college now, so may Daddy and Mommy suggest that you learn to play the guitar and strive to be a non-college-educated rock star? We think it’ll pay well, just without the Harvard degree behind your name.

And then, because the Blind Man was really quite nice, he gave us these lovely paper blinds for our bedroom windows. They were folded accordion-style, and they came with cheap, plastic clips. Every morning, we’d fold them back up and clip them into place, and every night, we’d unhook the tiny clips and let the paper unfurl like a flag on a great pirate war ship.

And the cats? They laughed at our paper blinds and shredded the one on the door the very first night.

But, all shredding aside, the paper blinds, which were supposed to last for a week or so, while our custom order blinds were being customized and shipped, have lasted us for eighteen months now.

Because we never ordered the customized blinds.

Because we didn’t have five months’ worth of mortgages set aside for blinds.

Because if I DID have five months’ worth of mortgages set aside, I would have bought the leather sofa at Starbucks and put a reserved sign on it, so that it was always, always available for me to sit on, instead of buying blinds.

This last week the stick-um on the paper blinds officially gave out. And when I say officially gave out, I mean the dadgum things were happier on the floor every day this week, and I had to resort to blue painter’s tape to secure them into place for the evenings.

Martha Stewart would have sighed with envy.

Hubs was convinced that ordering blinds online was the way to go. He threw out numbers at me which spelled the words Way Too Much.

So I plucked up the Home Depot credit card and my friend and I walked beneath the orange letters, and I purchased blinds right off of the shelves. A revelation!

And the blinds were slightly higher than a week’s worth of mochas and sugar-free vanilla steamers at Starbucks.

And whoa! Since I’m not hanging out at Starbucks this month, the price was right.

Hubs installed the blinds this afternoon on our bedroom windows and the boy’s bedroom windows, and I think our social status just went from “Those People With the Paper Curtains Dangling From Blue Painter’s Tape” to “Pretty Cool Folks with Inexpensive Blinds” in the snap of our fingers.

And I kind of like that.

1 thought on “So a Blind Man Walks Into a Bar…

  1. You've got to LOVE the Home Depot… We just lay down $832 there last night so that Hubs can come over and help Dave put in little blue light boxes and so someday we can put up the numerous light fixtures that we bought… Overwhelming I tell you. Overwhelming.

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