Sometimes, if you spend ninety-nine cents on a tube of lip gloss from the discount store, you get exactly what you paid for.
I think Julia Roberts may have worn this kind in Pretty Woman.
I don’t think I’ll be wearing it again.
Good-bye, ninety-nine cents.
Good-bye, roll of toilet paper that helped me wipe it off.
And, for the record, I think this happened to me once before. Clearly, I didn’t learn my lesson. I was drawn by the lure of Eternal Sands.
What, exactly, IS Eternal Sands, you ask?
Beige. Very ugly beige, which looked sort of beautiful and wonderful in the tube at Wal-Mart. When applied according to package directions, Eternal Sands sort of looked like I had some leftover goulash on my mouth.
Eternal Sands lies.