The Good Thing About Today is That the DJ Played "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on the Radio

So I woke up last night (This morning?) at 2 AM, because I had heard a noise.

And noises, when you hear them in the middle of the night, are always a pleasant diversion from the sleeping, because you have to lay there and listen, just to decide what they are.

At our house, we usually assume that all noises made in the dark of the night can be blamed on Cats 1 and 2, but both kitties were curled up on the foot of our bed, sleeping, at 2:00 this morning, so you know, PANIC.

Because clearly I couldn’t use them as noise scapegoats.

And then I heard it again. Knock. Pause. Pause. Knock. Pause. Pause. Knock.

Yoda Joe, frog extraordinaire, was banging on the side of his tank. At what point in a frog’s life does he make the conscious decision that HEY! KNOCKING MY HEAD AGAINST THE SIDE OF MY PLASTIC TANK AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING MIGHT BE KIND OF FUN!

Of course, I had to get out of bed to investigate the noise, because REALLY? Was it Yoda Joe telling knock-knock jokes to his roommate, Gru, or was it Creepy Stalker Guy Dressed in Black Come to Rob Us Blind?

It was Yoda Joe.

And because I had gotten out of bed and actually vacated our bedroom, however momentarily, Cat 2 decided to JUST GET HERSELF UP, BECAUSE IT MUST BE MORNING, and that’s something that Hubs and I try to avoid at all costs.

Do you want to know what it’s like to have Cat 2 up at 2:00 in the morning?

Go out to the wilderness. Go on! Wear your camouflage and smear grease paint all over your face, just to get into character. Bring a metal cage to use as a live trap. Bait it with apples and shiny objects. And then, when you catch yourself a fat-bottomed raccoon, bring him home. And then wait until 2 AM to release him.

Release him into your house.

And then get back into bed.

And just wait. And also do some listening.

And the noises you hear? The noises that the chubby-bottomed raccoon is making in your house in the darkest part of the night? Well, those noises are exactly how Cat 2 sounds.

The fact that Cat 2 doesn’t have a thumb is what saves her bacon. Or her cat fat. Or whatever. Without an opposable thumb, Cat 2 is usually unsuccessful at opening cabinet doors and drawers, which somewhat limits what she can get into. However, loose Legos that she finds on the floor and silver coins that the boy has stashed in his room are all fair game.

And if y’all haven’t had the luxury of hearing a thirteen-pound cat carry a quarter into your bedroom and drop it onto your hardwood floor, right beside your bed at 2:00 in the morning, well, y’all aren’t living life to the fullest extreme.

Hubs rolled over and mumbled to me, “Way to go. You woke Cat 2 up.”

Cat 1 is our cat with the teenager attitude. She’s grumpy. She’s cranky. And she is entirely too interested in sleeping to get up and carry quarters and dimes around. Cat 2 is our cat with the baby attitude. Sometimes sleep is good. Sometimes she wants a bottle of milk in the middle of the night. And sometimes she just wants to get up and play. And make noise. And exhaust her bag of tricks to keep us awake.

At 3:00 this morning, Cat 2 had blessedly put herself back to bed. She had worn herself out running around the house, and she’d brought an old Pop Tart wrapper that the boy obviously had on his desk to our bedroom. And she left it beside our bed, to show us her official kill of the night.

Foil Pop Tart wrappers crinkle. Crinkle noises are almost as good as a quarter spinning aimlessly on hardwood.

At 3:15 this morning, as I was FINALLY drifting back to sleep, Hubs’ laptop decided to beep. And ding. And do whatever laptops do in the darkest hour of the night. I told Hubs, “Listen. Your computer is making noises.”

Hubs mumbled, “I can’t listen. I’m sleeping. And if the laptop doesn’t blow up, then it’ll be fine.”

And then…

knock. Pause. Pause. Knock. Pause. Pause. Knock.

I told Hubs, “The frog is knocking his head on the side of the tank.”

Hubs mumbled, “Yep. And I wouldn’t be hearing it, if you’d quit waking me up with all your talking. Go to sleep.”

And I finally did, somewhere close to 4:00 this morning.

Obviously, you’ll understand if I just cut things short this evening and head off to bed.

1 thought on “The Good Thing About Today is That the DJ Played "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on the Radio

  1. Oh JediMama….this is one of my favorite posts! You need to write a book about Cat1 and Cat2 — a children's story like a spoof on Thing1 and Thing2.

    YOU NEED TO WRITE A BOOK! You've got so much talent!!!!

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