While I was helping one of my kindergartners tie his sneakers in PE this afternoon, he quietly asked me, “Can you keep a secret? I have something very important to tell you, but you have to promise not to tell a single soul.”
I was, naturally, intrigued.
He went on, “Can you shake my pinkie? Can you do a pinkie promise, so that I REALLY KNOW you won’t tell anyone, because this is important, and someone could get into HUGE, ENORMOUS, MONSTER-SIZED TROUBLE if you tell.”
And if that comment doesn’t make a teacher’s adrenaline flow fast, I don’t know what does. I asked him, “Will someone get hurt if we don’t tell?”
“No. If you don’t tell the secret, no one will be hurt.”
“Is anyone in danger? Is a big person being mean to a small person?”
“No. But this is a secret that can’t get out.”
I told him, “Well, I will do my best not to tell anyone, but sometimes teachers have to tell a secret, if they think someone might be hurt.”
The little guy stated, “Well, I just want you to know that me and D have some big super powers.”
My adrenaline returned to normal, and I whispered, “What sort of super powers do you and D have?”
My little friend looked at me and said, very solemnly, “Well, I can throw fireballs out of my fingers, and D is a werewolf. People think D is just a boy who is six years old, but he’s not. He’s a genuine werewolf, and if people find out, they’ll hunt him and kill him, and he will be hurt. And I don’t really want to hurt anyone with my fireballs, but if someone hunts D down, I will go wild and throw fireballs all over the place.”
I promised to keep the secret.
And here I am, reporting it on the World Wide Web.
That conversation was pretty much the highlight of my day. It made my heart tingle with happiness to know that OTHER PEOPLE have some super powers, too, because my friend Peggy and I have always known that we can fire laser beams straight out of our eyeballs and singe people who need it. I am continually threatening Hubs with this power of mine all the time.
Hubs, though, is brave, and he still prances around in defiance before my super power, because he knows that I seldom use it in public, on account of PUBLICITY! IT’S A SUPER PERSON’S WORST NIGHTMARE! It’s why Batman always flies under the cover of darkness.
In other news, I was reading a magazine this week and looking over an interview with a model. I really do try to read newsy magazines from time to time, but SNOOZE! Keeping up with the affairs of celebrities is so much more interesting. This model was asked, in her interview, “When you go to parties, do you ever pretend to be someone you’re not? If so, what job do you tell people you have?”
I thought Hubs and I were the only people who played that stupid game!
This model, who is basically unknown, replied, “I always tell people that I’m a ski instructor, and I’m not!”
Ha! Whenever Hubs and I are milling about in public, I like to approach him and ask, “Hey. What’s your name?”
And, because Hubs is incredibly witty and good at games, he always tells me that his name is Frank. Every. Single. Time. In fact, these days I simply say, “Hey, Frank.”
I usually go on to ask Frank, “So, what do you do for a living?”
Without fail, Frank is always unemployed and uninsured, and he lets me know that he’s a drifter.
One of these days I’m going to throw caution to the wind and use my laser vision on him. In public. Since I really do fear all the media attention I’ll get with that, I’m trying to delay that day as long as I possibly can.