What Not To Wear

Hubs and I have wondered about the boy for quite some time.

It’s because he would wear anything, anywhere.

His pajamas to Starbucks?  He didn’t see any reason not to show up for coffee dressed that way.  His King Tut costume to Walmart?  Absolutely.  His black cape?  Anywhere? He always thought that a cape made him look tough and handsome and completely invincible.  His red windpants with a bright orange sweatshirt and yellow muck boots?  He might as well have been colorblind, for as happy as he has been to traipse around town in THAT particular get-up.

Hubs and I have been a bit worried about junior high.

Until this past week, that is.

It rained last week, and I had the boy put his heavy North Face coat on, because it was the warmest, most waterproof piece of clothing he had.  He spent our entire drive time in the Suburban trying to disconnect the hood, which was firmly snapped and velcroed and Gorilla Glued into place.  I finally said, “Listen, Boy!  Just leave the hood ON your coat!  What are you taking it off for anyway?”

He looked at me like I’d grown a unicorn horn straight out of my forehead.

“Mom,” he said, “I can’t have THIS HOOD on my coat!  Guys wear STOCKING CAPS if our heads are cold.  We don’t wear hoods!  I’m embarrassed to have this thing on my coat!”

I see.

And then this morning, I told him to get his shoes and socks on, because we were heading out the door.  He came downstairs, trying to shove his bare foot into a sneaker, until I finally said, “Where are your socks?  You’re going to get a blister!”

He gave me the deadpan stare that trained FBI agents use on hardened criminals to intimidate them and wiggle information out of them.  And then he said, “A pair of socks with THIS PAIR OF SHOES will look ridiculous, Mom!”

There may be hope for our boy, people.

Even though…

…he wrapped a blue silk table runner around his bare chest yesterday and chased Eli and Ben all over the yard with a sword.

But low!  We have seen the flicker of hope that we’ll eventually get to the point in our lives where we actually care about what we wear.

Cheers to the thought that the red windpants/orange sweatshirt/yellow muck boots outfit is a thing of the past.

1 thought on “What Not To Wear

  1. Stocking caps??? What happened to silk top hats??

    I’m not sure my “baby” of a now third grader is going to be willing to give up her dowry for this… just sayin’ …

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *