Very Useful Information

So sometimes I give y’all Very Useful Information.

Like that Crack Beans Pretzel M&Ms are perhaps the most perfect food ever created, and that you shouldn’t waste your time buying the tiny bags at the checkout stands, because that is a complete waste.  When you buy Pretzel M&Ms, there is only one way to get them — the enormous bag from Costco or the one-pound bag from Wal-Mart.  (And technically, that’s TWO WAYS to get them, I guess, but I talked my way through Algebra II and can barely even remember the Quadratic Equation.)  I tell you this Very Useful Information because you’ll simply have to make a return trip to the store if you piddle around with that kid-sized snack bag of the candy.  I speak from The Return Trip Experience.

And then I’ve told you that The Big Bang Theory is the funniest thing on TV, and that NO OTHER TV CHARACTER makes me laugh out loud like Dr. Sheldon Cooper does.

(But Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy comes close.)

(And so does Dwight Schrute.)

(But Dr. Sheldon Cooper still wins, because he’d have to drop eighty IQ points to just be SMART!)

Tonight I have even more Useful Information for you.

Travis Cottrell’s new album, When the Stars Burn Down, was released today; I have only been waiting A SWEET FOREVER for it.

And really?

Do people still call them albums?  Or even CDs?  Or do we just cut out all the Ice Age terminology and say, “Travis’ new stuff is totally downloadable at iTunes today”?

No matter.  Whatever you call it, it’s still music, and this album CD downloadable bit of music has THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME ON IT.  It’s called The Word of God Has Spoken, and I haven’t fallen head over heels in love with a song this hard since Aerosmith’s Angel came out, back when we actually said the word ALBUM out loud and didn’t have to hang our heads in Terminology Shame.

Yes, I know.  It’s common knowledge that my taste in music runs a wild course through the Musical Spectrum, because my two favorite songs are by Aerosmith and Travis Cottrell.

And also Cheap Trick, because listen!  The Flame?  Fantastic!

Oh, and let’s not forget Raise Your Glass, Hysteria, Faithfully, Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It), Jesse’s Girl, and In Christ Alone.

See?  That’s some definite Musical Variety.

(And if we want to talk about Musical Variety, let’s talk about Hubs’ freakish tastes.  Let’s talk about how CW McCall, Hank and Waylon Jennings sit right next to Metallica, AC/DC, Lady GaGa and Ratt on his iPod playlist.  We are a family of Uniqueness.)

Anyway, I had to swipe an unused iTunes gift card from the boy today, which he knows NOTHING ABOUT, and which he will CONTINUE TO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, because I slipped $15 in cold, hard cash into his wallet tonight.  He can either buy himself ANOTHER gift card, or he can buy himself three Lego bricks, and I can rest comfortably tonight knowing that I wasn’t a thief.

Not really, at least.

So, with the stolen bought-and-paid-for iTunes card, I downloaded Travis’ new stuff today, and you should, too.

Because it will make you happy.

And if you eat Pretzel M&Ms while you’re listening to The Word of God Has Spoken, life will be completely golden.

And this concludes today’s infomercial.

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