And Visions of Cinnamon Rolls Danced in Their Heads…

I just have some odds and ends for y’all tonight.

It’s because I finally decided to throw out the few remaining scraps of our smoked turkey, because it has been an entire week since Hubs grilled that thing.  Although a week is plum nothing to a can of peaches in the pantry, a week for turkey meat cut off the bone (and I shiver just TYPING that phrase, because of my deep-seated bone issues) seems like we might be pushing the envelope of possible Death-Induced-By-Food-Born-Bacteria just a bit.  And because of that, I went into Walmart tonight for the Big Haul, to secure food staples for my family, because we had no Pop Tarts or coffee at home.  And THAT, my friends, is like having no running water at home.  Rest assured, being in the major shopping center at this time of the year, when everyone is trying to decide between the Lego Hogwarts Castle and the Lego Black Pearl, can cause you a great deal of frustration.

And it can also cause you to catch Tourettes.

(For the record, Hogwarts takes longer to build, because of MORE PIECES.)

(But the Black Pearl has WORKING CANONS.)

(Also… The Davy Jones mini-figure does not come with Hogwarts, but it does come with the pirate ship.)

(It’s really a win-win, either way you go, but keep in mind, the Black Pearl equals CHEAPER.)

(I hope I’ve settled some of your holiday shopping concerns with this discussion.)

After being in Walmart for an undisclosed amount of time and actually wanting to discipline a preschool-aged child who needed it, and then counsel the mother by saying, “When you say NO, you mean NO.  Don’t say NO and cave after twenty minutes of nonstop crying.  That’s what duct tape is for,” I was an emotional wreck.

So that’s the long version of why this post consists of odds and ends that don’t tie up nicely.

Which is why I’m resorting to a list format.

1.  Hubs and I spent a good stretch of time on Tuesday night downloading Christmas music from iTunes.  It’s because I bought a $7 Christmas CD from Walmart last week, and it is whack.  The voices are all wrong for the songs.  Hubs was quick to say, “You get what you pay for.”  It’s $7 we’ll never get back, people, because I unwrapped the thing and played it in the antique CD player before I realized that it was about as appealing as a sandwich made from week-old turkey.

Downloading Christmas songs with your husband is like childbirth.  It hurts.  It’s because your husband will not agree on anything that you decide sounds good.

In the end, you’ll both settle on a whole lot of Bing Crosby, because really?  Nothing says Christmas Carols like Bing.  Immediately after the iPod was loaded with Mr. Crosby’s holiday favorites, Hubs began blaring AC/DC songs loud enough for our entire neighborhood to hear.  I told him that WHAT IN THE WORLD?  PLAY THE DANG CHRISTMAS MUSIC!  And Hubs said, “Any day when AC/DC is singing IS Christmas!”

Honestly, I’m not sure how our marriage survives.  I enjoy AC/DC about as much as I enjoy being in the middle of a swarm of angry hornets.

2.  This is what the boy has been doing a whole lot of lately:

The boy and his new cousin, Little H, are tight.  He loves that baby, and he left a handwritten letter on my bathroom sink last night, for me to find AFTER he went to bed, which said, “Dear Mom, Please talk to Dad about getting me a baby sister for Christmas.  That’s the only gift I want.”

Well then.

3.  Arthur’s Christmas is playing at the theater in Small Town right now, and the boy has been itching to see it.  I hadn’t given the previews much attention, but my biggest fear was that it was going to be so boring, it would hurt.  No matter.  It’s the season of giving, so I gave the boy a night out.  We loaded up in the Suburban and swung by Eli’s house to grab him.  I texted Hubs and said, “I am taking the boy and Eli to Arthur’s Christmas.  Want to join us?”  And Hubs texted back and said, “No.”

Hubs doesn’t mince the words, people.

The boys and I stood in line for popcorn, and then we settled ourselves in the theater, right in front of their PE teacher from school, who was there with his daughter.  Mr. C told us, “I’m here for a nap.  I told Emma to wake me when the movie is finished.”  And that is exactly how I felt.

And then!  THEN!!

Oh, people, it was the best surprise, because I FLAT-OUT ADORED Arthur’s Christmas on the big screen.  Loved it, in a big way.  I loved the elves, who were more like Navy SEALS than actual employees in Santa’s workshop.  I loved the Grandpa Santa.  I loved Arthur’s quirkiness.  I loved the entire show.  I think we can chalk this one up as one we’ll buy on DVD and watch next year, right along with A Christmas Story and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  Eli and the boy both loved it, too.

4.  Do y’all ever look at the Pioneer Woman’s blog?  If you don’t, you’re probably one of the only four Americans who don’t.

Hubs adores the Pioneer Woman, because she cooks meat, and she uses REAL BUTTER and REAL CREAM in everything, in enormous quantitiesMeat and butter and heavy cream are Hubs’ love languages.

The Pioneer Woman makes some cinnamon rolls that will make you swoon, and Hubs has had a craving for them lately.  And honestly?  Well… I’ve been craving them, too, but listen.  They involve YEAST.  I’ve never been one who has had a good relationship with yeast in the past.  It’s probably because yeast always dies a quick, painless death in my presence.  Thus, I don’t make the cinnamon rolls.

(And let’s face it.  The fact that I kill yeast dead like a well-trained sniper is simply an excuse to get me out of all the baking.)

This week, Hubs decided to take on the cinnamon rolls himself.

All of that mess…

And all of those hours spent babysitting yeast and punching dough…

Created these babies:

There are not enough flowery and poetic words to describe how wonderful Hubs’ cinnamon rolls (which used to be the Pioneer Woman’s cinnamon rolls) were.

Best.  In.  Town.

In fact, dare I say it?  They were the best cinnamon rolls this side of the space station.

They were gone long before our holiday turkey was.  And I miss them desperately.

5.  And that is all I have for you tonight, people.  Happy Thursday.


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