I’m afraid that my brain is officially done tonight.
I have taught PE.
It was the day before Christmas break.
PE was after all the classroom Christmas parties had happened.
I had a gym filled with small children hopped up on Christmas excitement, hopped up on sugar cookies, and hopped up on VACATION! NO SCHOOL! IT ALL STARTS AFTER WE GET THROUGH PE CLASS!!!
I’m sure that you can imagine exactly how things went in the gym. I blew my whistle and said, “Settle down! Settle down!” And no one really settled down at all, because how on earth COULD THEY, what with ALL THE SUGAR PLUMS DANCING THROUGH THEIR VEINS LIKE MOUNTAIN DEW IN AN I.V.?
Have you ever seen a herd of squirrels after they’ve slammed back espresso shots?
Had them in my gym today, people. Oh, I did!
In the end, I threw my lesson plans out the window, because all great teachers should be prepared to do that once in a while, so that they can just flow with the go.
Yes. Flow WITH the go. Because I was flowing right along with all the going that was happening in my gym.
The good thing is that nobody really cried today, because DID YOU HEAR?
CHRISTMAS VACATION WAS BEGINNING!!!
Then I got in on the tailend of the boy’s Christmas party at his school, and his teacher’s classroom looked a whole lot like my gym.
Minus the basketball hoops.
And the bleachers.
But with a whiteboard on the wall.
And a pack of espresso-heavy squirrels who were hopped up on sugar cookies and holiday excitement.
Well, then I took the boy to dodgeball, where every kid at the rec center was all, “Hey! Did you hear? WE ARE… LIKE… TOTALLY ON CHRISTMAS VACATION NOW!!” And then they threw balls at each other, and the noise was so loud, I began to feel like the Grinch.
Noise. Noise. Noise.
I’m already in my yoga pants, people. And at 6:45 this evening, I said these exact words to Hubs:
“I feel like it’s almost midnight. I feel like I just want to crawl into bed. I can’t get the ringing in my ears from all the noise today to stop!”
So with that, I’m going to leave y’all to your Tuesday evening, but not before I leave you with a good Christmas joke or two. The reason that these jokes are so funny, is that a 1st grader in my PE class who has ABSOLUTELY ZERO FRONT TEETH told them to me today.
And some spit sort of flung out of his mouth… right out of that spot where his teeth should have been… and that might sound gross, but sweet mercy! It was so darling, I wanted to scoop him up and say, “You are my very favorite kid today!”
So do you know what elves learn in school?
Why, the elf-abet, of course!
What is the difference between the Christmas elf-abet and the ordinary alphabet?
Well, the Christmas elf-abet has No L!
Because it’s Christmas and all?!
Yeah. Well, I laughed like the dickens, right after I wiped the spit off my arm.
This is where I just give up entirely and tell y’all that I’m taking my ringing ears to bed now.