The Tooth Fairy Is Actually a Distant Relative to the Cullens

So?  Y’all know the quote that says, “That which does not kill us will make us stronger”?

Kindergarten PE is really working on making me stronger, but sometimes I fear that I’m going to fall short of the STRONGER goal line and just end up dead from it all.  There’s not a class in this world that any college offers that really prepares you for being in a gym filled with five- and six-year-olds who are hopped up on a lunch of chicken nuggets and corn niblets, with a chocolate milk chaser.

Yesterday, as I was helping The Drama Queen tie her shoes, she yanked up the leg of her jeans and showed me a little bit of scab stuck on her skin.  She asked me, “Do you know what this is?”

“It looks like a little bug bite,” is what I told her.  And it did.  That little spot seemed to give every indication that the tiniest of mosquitoes — the dwarf of all mosquitoes — had nipped her shin.

The Drama Queen shook her head, stared me deadpan in the eyes, and said, “It isn’t from a bug.”

And I stared at her, deadpan in the eyes, and asked, “Then how did you get it?”

And she leaned in really close to me, exactly like she had something of the utmost importance to share.  And then she whispered, “The Tooth Fairy is mean.  And she bit me.”

Y’all!  I was shocked.  Just last week, The Drama Queen had wiggled one of her bottom teeth for me, and I got to see how it was HANGING BY A THREAD OF GUM TISSUE, and then I got to say to her, “That is disgusting!  Since the tooth is still somewhat attached, keep it in your mouth.”  But no.  She kept hanging it over her lip and grinning at me.  And then she announced, “The Tooth Fairy is going to have to get her wings ready to fly into MY house soon with all her money!”

Yes.  Yes, she was.  Because we could all see that The Drama Queen was moments away from losing her very first tooth right out of her head.

And the gym?  Well, we lose A WHOLE LOT of teeth in the gym, because if you’ve got a wiggly one and you take a ball to the mouth, chances are good that the little fairy is going to be getting her wings ready to fly into YOUR house that night.  I have become an expert at lost teeth in the gym, and I can spot one from sixty paces that has been knocked out to land on the free-throw line.

But honest to goodness, this is the very first time that I’ve heard that the Tooth Fairy could be a character in the Twilight series.

I stared back at The Drama Queen and asked, “The Tooth Fairy BIT you?  She didn’t bite you!  She’s nice!”

The Drama Queen told me, “She’s NOT nice.  She’s real.  And she’s mean.  And she bites!! And that is the last time I ever tell her that I’ve lost a tooth.  I’m just going to ask my mom for money when my next tooth falls out!”

I wish that I could share my kindergartners with all y’all, because the word PRECIOUS doesn’t even do them justice.

Happy Thursday night, people.

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