I had a very busy night last night, as I took a high school football team to the state championship game, and then we won it. Oh, yes we did!
I was the quarterback.
“How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?”
Coach went ahead and put me in during the fourth quarter, and we were state champions. No doubt about it.
Okay. So it was all a dream that I had last night, but still! I was the quarterback during the biggest game of the high school season, and I threw the winning touchdown pass. My running back who caught it was WIDE OPEN… so open, he was like the only player even ON the field. He caught the ball, and then listen: He had some issues with his chin strap, so he STOPPED ALL THE FORWARD RUNNING, and he took his chinstrap off, even though I was screaming like a banshee hopped up on amphetamines to just RUN WITH IT! RUN WITH IT! RUUUUNNNN!!!! WITTTHHHH! ITTTTTT!!!!!! Eventually, he got the chinstrap off, ran BACK TO ME, handed his itchy chinstrap to me, and then ran the ball forty yards into the end zone for the game winning touchdown.
From the pass that I threw.
And then, since I was also the team’s kicker, I had to go in and kick the point-after.
There was a tremendous amount of cheering, and fans were rushing to the field to lift us up high over their heads and bellow out victory cheers, and I was trying to find my running back in the midst of all the winning chaos, because I needed to return his chinstrap.
When I told Hubs about my dream first thing this morning, I got to the part about the chinstrap, and Hubs COMPLETELY INTERRUPTED ME to state his observation. “Well, that totally sounds like a team YOU would be playing for.”
Of course I called him out on it, and asked Hubs what in the world he meant. He just clarified by saying, “If there’s a running back who is wide open, like you claim he was, and he can’t run THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF A FOOTBALL FIELD with a little irritation on his chin and MAN UP, then I would expect THAT to be YOUR football team.”
Hubs has little faith in me as a quarterback. Apparently.
But at least our uniforms matched pretty well, because we were the blue and red team, which totally means that I wasn’t playing for Small Town High. The blue was a really bright blue, and the red was a really bright red. And we had white stripes down our sleeves, and big, white stars on our helmets. I think that we may have been Team USA. And I also think that we may have been Olympic material, but I don’t want to brag up our skill level. Jesus never appreciates a bragger. When I mentioned THIS to Hubs, he said, “You were probably just on a six-man team from a very tiny high school that didn’t have a lot of options for quarterbacks. They probably had to take what they could get.”
What part about I THREW THE GAME WINNING TOUCHDOWN AND NAILED THE POINT-AFTER KICK TO CATAPULT US TO STATE CHAMPIONS did you not understand, Hubs? Take what they can get!
(*insert an EXTRA snort, just to make sure the first snort was heard*)
I think the bigger question here is simply this: Why was a mother of two, who is plenty old enough to remember Menudo, throwing the ball for a high school football team, anyway?
I think the answer is pretty clear, people. BECAUSE THEY NEEDED ME AS QUARTERBACK TO BECOME STATE CHAMPIONS. Coach knew what he was doing fourth quarter. No doubt in my mind.
Y’all have a happy Wednesday night, and if any of you need me to explain some football plays, don’t hesitate to call. I know all about the Flea Flicker and the Quarterback Sneak and the Statue of Liberty Play. After all, what State Champion Quarterback wouldn’t know those things?! Especially when that State Champion Quarterback is also the State Champion Kicker to boot?!