The Tuesday Night Post

Do you know how you have those days where a grande just isn’t going to do?  So you go right on ahead and order the venti, and then wish that Starbucks actually offered a hot beverage option in a five-gallon bucket?

That was today.

It all started with snow.  Snow, snow and more snow.  Thing 2 and I worked very hard at watching Hubs and the boy plow our driveway and patio out first thing this morning.  I had to drag a little stool over to the window, so that Thing 2 could stand on it and see the action unfold outside.  And then I sat in the rocking chair, on high alert, in case he decided to jump off the stool.  It was hard work… sort of like being a lifeguard, but without the benefit of the tan and the whistle.

The thing is, I’m over snow.  I’m done with winter.  I’m ready for some Vitamin D in the air in the form of real sunshine.  I actually have a craving to mow my yard.

Plus?  Well, Thing 2 has practically outgrown his carseat, and tying him into it with his heavy coat on requires words that I don’t usually like to say out loud.

(And yes.  Hubs and I have placed an order for a new carseat that will allow Thing 2 to face the front of the Suburban.  Whenever the snowplows can get through these parts and the UPS truck can follow, it’ll probably turn up on our doorstep.)

(Unless it’s coming through FedEx.  They’re one and the same to me, FedEx and UPS.)

After I played lifeguard in the rocking chair while Thing 2 perched high on his stool, we decided to accomplish a few chores.  Specifically, I tried to put a corn soup into the crockpot for dinner, while Thing 2 unloaded two kitchen cabinets.  And then I discovered that the frozen bag of hashbrowns that is all part of the corn soup recipe was opened previously.

And it wasn’t by me.

And it certainly wasn’t by the boy or Hubs, because no part of their lives requires them to open the freezer and touch a bag of cold potatoes during the week.

This caused me to stare at the bag for upwards of five minutes, debating whether or not I should use it, because OBVIOUSLY it had been opened at the store.  And what if someone with really dirty hands touched those shredded hashbrowns?  What then?

In the end, you know what I did.  I gave up on the corn soup, because DIRTY HASHBROWNS ARE NOT MY THING.  I know y’all are gonna say that the possibility of those hashbrowns being dirty was slim to nil, but I decided to err on the side of caution, which is why my life is boring.

I will never ride the bulls or crawl over the top of someone to go down the slide first.

While I was debating potatoes, Thing 2 unloaded two kitchen drawers.  He looks exactly like Yoda, rummaging through Luke’s toolbox.  He simply digs into a drawer, throwing odds and ends over his shoulders, until said drawer is empty enough to hold an echo.

That’s why my kitchen looked like we were moving today.  Empty cabinets.  Kitchen accessories everywhere.

And I left it like that, because we had to get ourselves to Bible study.

I scraped the windshields.  I used a broom to sweep the snow off the Suburban.  I scraped the windshields a second time, because I decided that I was probably eligible for twenty-nine kinds of driving violations with the small area of windshield that I could actually see out of.  I strapped Thing 2 into his carseat, while he was wearing his heavy coat, and mentally beat myself up for not having ordered the bigger carseat that will accommodate thick outerwear A MONTH AGO, because why did I believe winter was over and we were done with the thick coat?!

Procrastination.  It is totally doable.

And then we went to Bible study…

…where Thing 2 promptly got kicked out of the nursery for the second time in his life for screaming like a banshee.

Oh, we’re zero for two on the Bible study score.  Thing 2 has a grudge to hold against this other church’s nursery, and he started shaking his head NO, NO, NO when we first walked in there this morning.  I told him that everything would be fine, and that he should just be good and play with the toys and let Mama get a word from Beth Moore.  No amount of dry Cheerios or graham cracker pieces could convince  him to stay.  He unleashed a yell that bounced off every wall in that church and made dogs shiver.

So we came back home, and I tried to tell myself that these were first world problems.  So what if I spent twenty minutes prepping a Suburban buried in the snow to go to a Bible study that we didn’t stay at?  At least my drinking water is clean, which is more than I can say for our hashbrowns.

And with that, people, I’m off to the nighttime version of the Bible study, because Hubs is home to watch Thing 2 empty our cabinets, after the boy helped me pick everything up this afternoon.  Someone told me a few days ago that cleaning house with a toddler is similar to brushing your teeth while you’re eating Oreo cookies.

I concur.

Y’all have a happy Tuesday, and may your frozen potatoes be firmly sealed in their original packages.

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