Do y’all know what May is?
It’s December. It just has rain and dandelions and arguments between a man and a wife as to whether or not they can turn the furnace back on, due to all the spring chill that’s in the air. There’s no Christmas in May. There are no peppermint sticks or sugar cookies, which is really a shame, because sugar cookies can make even Darth Vader smile. They’re that good.
(Well… Unless they’re CRISPY sugar cookies, and then they might as well be buffalo droppings for all the interest I have in them. It’s SOFT sugar cookies or bust.)
What May is… is busy. It’s the quiet December, that comes in with promises of blooming flowers and iced tea on the deck and the first potato salads of the season. And then the May calendar fills up with BAND CONCERT! and SOCCER GAME! and I’M GOING GOLFING FOR THE 522nd TIME THIS MONTH! and AWARDS CEREMONY! and BRING YOUR FAMILY TO SCHOOL FOR BREAKFAST! and YOUR COUSIN’S CHOIR CONCERT! and PIANO RECITAL! and CAN YOU SEND COOKIES TO YOUTH GROUP? and QUIZ ME FOR MY SCIENCE FINAL! and THIS! and THAT! and THE OTHER! and EVEN MORE!
And all of these things are full-on. In between them, Thing 2 will pee on the floor, because it took you all of fifteen seconds to fill the bath tub while he wasn’t wearing a diaper. He’ll also sneak the jar of Miracle Whip out of the refrigerator when you’re busy pulling eggs out, and you’ll find it in the living room, a day later. It’ll be warm and unusable. Thing 2 will spend his time between May’s lineup of activities emptying the pots out of the kitchen cupboard, unrolling the toilet paper, pulling the cat’s tail, crying over the scratches the cat smacked onto his arm, and ripping the paper labeled SCIENCE FINAL STUDY GUIDE into confetti when it was left unattended on the edge of the coffee table.
That is why I totally feel like THIS during the month of May:
We have had us some BIG HEAP OF BUSY around here this past week, but guess what?
May is done after tomorrow.
And school ends after tomorrow.
I think we’re looking at a full dose of SLOW IT DOWN NOW, GLADYS, and I couldn’t be happier.
Y’all carry on and enjoy your weekend. We’ll be whooping it up tomorrow to celebrate SIXTH GRADE! IT’S FINALLY OVER! NO MORE ASSIGNED BOOKS TO READ!
(Except Mama is secretly making a summer reading list, and it’s not for me.)
(There will be tears.)
(There will be protests.)
(There might be picketing with handmade signs on big sticks.)
(But there will be reading over the summer.)
We’ll see y’all back here on Sunday night, people. I wish I had more to offer you tonight, in the way of a blog post that wasn’t so lame, but listen. I’ve got nothin’.
On account of May has smacked me across the face hard with all the writing on my calendar.