The Brink Of The Teens

So.

It officially happens tomorrow.

936713_583338208365680_29265836_n(If you need me tomorrow, I’ll be in my closet.  Sitting on the floor.  Watching home videos that Hubs and I filmed when the boy was two and NOT a teenager.  I’ll be crying the cry that frightens men, because HOW DO THEY FIX SOMETHING LIKE THAT, when there’s snot everywhere and mascara down to the chin?)

Even though the boy’s birthday isn’t until tomorrow, we did start celebrating early around here.  If the sharks can have an entire week, so can a birthday boy.

We drove out to Small Mountain Town last night to have dinner with Grammy and Papa and a batch of cousins.

IMG_7086 IMG_7085Someone belched at the picnic table loud enough to shake the pine trees.  We don’t accuse people of their sins here at Jedi Mama, Incorporated so he shall remain nameless.

Suffice it to say, Grammy gave him some instruction on YOU’LL NEVER GET A WIFE IF THAT’S HOW YOU END A MEAL.  Grammy is very wise.

Thing 2 discovered the potato chips, which means the rest of dinner was shut down for him.  Our baby has an issue with potato chips — when he sees them, he cannot see anything else.  Even though his plate was adorned with watermelon and a hot dog, he left them untouched, because HELLO, RUFFLES WITH RIDGES!

Since it was a party celebration, Hubs and I let Thing 2 eat his fill of chips.

And nothing else.

Except a cupcake later.

Don’t judge us.

Because Grammy and Papa have a couple of tiny little ponds in their yard, water is always available.  When water is always available, boys will take advantage of it, especially since Grammy has an arsenal of weapons on her back porch.

IMG_7068 IMG_7088 IMG_7092 IMG_7100 IMG_7102 IMG_7105 IMG_7133 IMG_7134 IMG_7136 IMG_7140 IMG_7142 IMG_7145 IMG_7159 IMG_7166 IMG_7168 IMG_7187 IMG_7219

IMG_7094IMG_7233If everyone is dripping wet and looking for dry clothes in the back of their Suburbans, the party is a success.

(For the record?  We always seem to have cast-off clothes in the back of our Suburban.  I don’t know how they get there.  I don’t bring naked children into the house when we pull into our driveway, and yet we always have clothes back there!)

There were yard games to be played, too.

IMG_7120 IMG_7058 IMG_7212We’re not sure that Thing 2 followed the rules in one game, because LET ME CARRY IT AROUND BY BITING IT wasn’t listed in the HOW TO PLAY pamphlet.

Thankfully, he’s cute and his cousins overlooked the fact that he just stole the balls away from them and ran them out of bounds.

IMG_7049 IMG_7051 IMG_7052 IMG_7064And look!

There’s my heart, walking around, holding hands.

IMG_7048There were cupcakes, too.  A party isn’t a party until someone has heard a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday” sung to them and been offered a little piece of cake with bright orange or green frosting.

IMG_7191 IMG_7181 IMG_7192 IMG_7199There were presents.  The cousins know how to pick a good T-shirt out!

IMG_7226 IMG_7232Cousin W even bought a present for Thing 2.  Thing 2 looks very distinguished in a mustache!

IMG_7235I have laughed until I’ve nearly wet down my leg every time he’s had that binky in!  Burt Reynolds has nothing on my baby!

Tonight, we had a picnic in the park, because remember… the sharks get an entire week… and if it’s good enough for the sharks, it’s good enough for my baby.

Welcome, Birthday Week ’13!

There were more presents at the park, because Grammy and Papa like that boy.  I’m fairly certain that they actually like him a lot.

IMG_7238 IMG_7239 IMG_7241The boy got a brand new Under Armour sweatshirt.  Even though it was 412 degrees outside, he went ahead and tried it on.  And then he proceeded to wear it for the rest of the evening, because he said the air had a bit of a chill to it.

Never mind that my estrogen was causing rivulets of pig sweat to drip down my neck and pool around my ankles.  Just LOOKING at the boy in that sweatshirt made me ache for ice.

IMG_7252 IMG_7256Yep!

I’m pretty sure the boy liked his next gift!

IMG_7257 IMG_7258 IMG_7260 IMG_7267Not one, but TWO, new air soft guns, because what the world really needs is more thirteen year old boys who are armed.

Thank goodness Grammy remembered safety glasses.  She has already survived Hubs shooting his eye out when he was sixteen.  Hubs (who wasn’t “Hubs” when he was sixteen, because that would’ve meant that I would have been fifteen, and I had geometry finals to study for then.  I didn’t have time to get married!) took a ricocheted bullet to his cheek, which struck his eye and got him a seat on a flight for life plane, so that he could have EMERGENCY EYE SURGERY in a bigger and better hospital than our little town has to offer.  Grammy doesn’t want a repeat performance of that, because kids who shoot their eyeballs out cause their mamas to grow gray hairs and need nerve pills.

IMG_7278IMG_7279 IMG_7290Thing 2 enjoyed the park thoroughly this evening.

IMG_7306 IMG_7314 IMG_7327 IMG_7335 IMG_7337 IMG_7355 IMG_7361Our little baby almost caught himself a squirrel, too!  (He kept calling them “kitties.”  And he kept “meowing” at them.)

He’s a city boy.

Obviously.

IMG_7308We had ice cream to celebrate the fact that DID YOU HEAR?  THE BOY TURNS THIRTEEN TOMORROW!

Thing 2 appreciates ice cream in every single flavor.

(Don’t worry.  I can’t sing… I can’t play an instrument… I can’t do a decent handstand… but Stain Removal is seriously one of my spiritual gifts.)

IMG_7371 IMG_7379 IMG_7385 IMG_7395 IMG_7396And so the festivities have begun.

Bring on thirteen!

IMG_7319I’m not sure Mama is ready for it… but we’ll give this HAVING A TEENAGER IN THE HOUSE a try.

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