The PG-13 Post

I’m pretty sure that tonight is one of those nights when I should just throw the blogging beneath the bus and go straight to bed, without a post.

But, y’all!  Today’s date is 11-12-13, so I have to see SOMETHING recorded at Jedi Mama, Inc.’s headquarters tonight.

Seriously, though.  The boy and I were out driving after dark tonight (Which is rather easy to do, seeing as how it gets dark here around 3 PM with this time change.  What is this?  Alaska?), and while I was stopped at a red light in the heart of the city, I looked over at the row of parked cars along the street.

And sweet mercy, I hollered out to the boy, “All of those cars are parked facing the wrong direction!”  Which is when I immediately saw that… no.  No, they were not, and where was my brain, because every car on that street was parked correctly.  It was the weirdest thing ever, to think that all of these cars were just left along the curb ALL WRONG by their owners, when that wasn’t even the case at all.  I felt like I was living in some surreal version of The Matrix, because WHAT MADE ME THINK THAT?

Which makes me think that maybe I am some sort of parking pig who needs to attend a parking workshop.

Don’t judge me.

It probably has something to do with the fact that at 1:30 this morning, Thing 2 opened his bedroom door and yelled, “Heh-wo?  Heh-wo?”  He was up, and he was ready to JUST DO SOMETHING!  ANYTHING!  TRACTOR RACES OR A GOOD TAILGATE PARTY OR LET’S KICK THE SOCCER BALL AROUND THE DINING ROOM AND EAT CAT FOOD!  All he knew was that he wasn’t interested in going back to sleep.

And THAT, people, is exactly how I came to be awake from 1:30 to 3:00 this morning.  Sometimes sleep deprivation can cause a grown girl to think cars are parked backwards when… INDEED!  They are not.

And also?  Well, if you ever thought that I was very prim and ladylike, I’m here to prove you wrong tonight.  Oh, sometimes I do pretend to be all fancy and classy.  Sometimes I even hold my pinkie out while I’m sipping chai tea.  But the honest truth is I just like to dress the part of a real princess.

I can’t feel the pea beneath all those mattresses.

All I ever feel are the wrinkled sheets, because someone gave in to LAZY BED MAKING 101.

Anyway.

My kindergarten PE class comes straight to me from their recess.  I pick them up at the outside door, and we come into the gym together when their outside playtime is finished.  I have three kindergarten boys who are rock star athletes.  They have zero-point-zero desire to play things like PRETEND YOU’RE IN A SPACESHIP, AND MY SPACESHIP WAS ATTACKING YOURS.  What they play at recess is football, with four downs before a turnover, and basketball with VERY, VERY LOUD fouls called for traveling.

Because of this, the three of them bring their own footballs, basketballs and soccer balls from home, to use at recess.  Apparently they feel that the footballs, basketballs and soccer balls provided by the school are sub par and not exactly what the pros would choose to use.

And every Tuesday and Wednesday, they run into my gym with those footballs, basketballs and soccer balls and throw them all over.  They run wild.  They shoot footballs into the basketball nets.  They throw soccer balls at one another.  And they basically avoid changing into their gym shoes and getting into their spots on the gym floor for our warmup exercises like they are supposed to do.

Today, when I FINALLY had the entire kindergarten class gathered in one spot, I decided that it was time to REVIEW the gym rules.  Specifically, we needed to talk about WHAT SHOULD WE BE DOING WHEN WE COME INTO THE GYM FROM RECESS?

And this is where I’ll demonstrate that I’m not at all ladylike, and where the Blog Rating Association has assigned a PG-13 rating.

I said, “What do we do when we come into the gym from outside?”

Hands went up all over the place.  I called on one of my three little athletes, hoping he would say the right words.  I wanted him to say, “We should come in quietly, change  our shoes, and sit down in our spots.”

Instead, he said, “All of us boys should quit playing with our balls.”

Half of a nanosecond later, the cutest, sweetest, most adorable kindergarten girl in the history of EVER yelled out, “Because when the boys play with their balls, it wastes our PE time!”

And then another kid stated, “Boys should get consequences for playing with their balls before PE starts!”

And that is when I laughed so hard, I was in jeopardy of being kicked off the teaching staff at our little private Catholic school.

I’m still laughing.

My mama is probably rolling her eyes in shame as she reads this.  She would want y’all to know that she tried really hard to bring me up right.

Somehow, I managed to teach kindergarten PE today.

And with that said, I’m off to bed.

2 thoughts on “The PG-13 Post

  1. Oh, dear heavens! That is better than tonight’s chicken magnets! Greg made me read him your blog out loud because I laughed in bed as he watched tv. I had to get out the Kleenex by the time I finished…

  2. Hilarious!! HILARIOUS!!

    If Keith was here, he would be laughing too, but he’s not, so I’ll laugh extra for him and make note to show it to him tomorrow.

    STILL LAUGHING!!

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