The Weekend That We Burned Up

Once upon a time, there was this eccentric mama who faithfully blogged most evenings of the week.

And then summer struck, and she could no longer remember what day of the week it was, let alone the actual date, and she became very busy going to the park for ice cream in the evenings, or taking Thing 2 on a drive down a rural country road JUST to look at tractors.

Apparently looking out a car window at a John Deere never gets old.

So that’s what’s been going on around here, which clearly explains why some nights there are blog posts here at Jedi Mama, Incorporated, and why some evenings… there just aren’t.

Last Thursday, the temperature was so hot in Small Town, USA, folks were in danger of receiving third degree burns on their legs when they ventured into their parked cars and sat in the seats.  And sometimes our lungs melted shut when we went outside.  Of course, this was the day that Sister called bright and early and asked, “Would y’all like to meet at the park and play?”

Because 94 degrees at 9:30 in the morning?

By goodness, I think we totally will order up a dose of that kind of crazy.

This is Cousin H, showing the world her THIS SLIDE IS WICKED HOT face.

IMG_6868But the kids were troopers, and they got out there in the sunshine to answer the call of the playground equipment, while Sister and I set up Base Camp on a big blanket beneath the shade of a tree, where things still felt like Shadrach’s fiery furnace.  We had no strength to leave the shade to actually engage with any of the children; we simply called out words of encouragement to them from our blanket.

“It’s only 94 degrees!  Just run up those steps on the TALL slide a few more times!”

“No child has ever melted in any temperature less than one-oh-nine.  Get back out there, and stop trying to take my spot here beneath the tree.”

“If you choose to pour the water out of your water bottle, you choose to die a slow death of dehydration, because that’s our quota of cold liquid.”

IMG_6866

IMG_6867 IMG_6879 IMG_6877There were plenty of other crazy people in the park, because apparently our village is made of stout stuff.

We laugh at 94 degrees when it’s 9:30 in the morning.

Our sweet little friends, Kate and Mallory, were there.  Thing 2 commandeered Mallory to just “walk with me in this heat, why don’t you?”

IMG_6874 IMG_6870And then my friend Mandy strolled through the park.  She said something about TRYING TO SWEAT OFF HER BREAKFAST CALORIES JUST BY BREATHING OUTSIDE, and I said something about WELL, THIS IS THE SPOT TO DO THAT IN.

Mandy had her little guy with her, and we tried (and also tried and TRIED and TRY-UDDD!) to get a picture of K and Thing 2 together, but listen.  Toddlers have a mind of their own, and if one doesn’t want his picture taken next to the  other… well… it isn’t going to happen.

Exhibit A:  This was when they both turned around, to show me the backs of their heads, when I had JUST HAD them facing the camera.

IMG_6871And this is Exhibit B, which is as close as we came to a group shot with these two ruffians:

IMG_6872K and Thing 2 are both featured within the same picture, which was honestly the best that we could do.  If it hadn’t been 94 degrees already, we might’ve pushed through a few more photos, but ain’t nobody got time for that.

I’ll just mark this down as an epic Photography Fail.

By 10:30, my Victoria’s Secret was swimming in sweat, and the kids had done absolutely nothing but use their vocal chords for complaints about the heat for over an hour.  That’s when Sister and I decided that a $12 wading pool was going to be the wisest expenditure either of us has ever dished out.

We bought the pool.

We fed our herd of children a nutritious lunch.

IMG_6882And then we filled the pool with hose water, like God and parents of the ’70s intended.

IMG_6888And?

Do you know what?

OUR CHILDREN COMPLAINED THAT IT WAS ALL JUST TOO COLD!  WAY TOO COLD!  TOO COLD TO ACTUALLY STAY IN IT FOR VERY LONG!

And then one child asked, “Why can’t we use WARM WATER, from the bathtub?  Why do we have to use this cold hose water?”

Which makes perfect sense, considering that, by noon, the mercury in the thermometer said 101.

But, we had ONE CHILD who didn’t care about the water temperatures.  Oh, he gasped a little and sputtered now and then, but he stuck with that pool for an hour longer than everyone else managed to do, because QUIT is not in his vocabulary.

Unless it involves vegetables on his dinner plate.

IMG_6921This cartoon pretty much sums up Thing 2’s attitude around pools for you, in case there was any doubt in your minds about how he behaves around them:

ffe867827e78c8dddaf3a3f9258f67c5He tried to jump off of benches on Sister’s deck to land in the pool, and he hauled plastic lawn chairs over to the pool and tried to jump in.  He couldn’t understand why this swimming hole didn’t have a high dive.

Hubs insists that he’s going to ride bulls in the rodeo when he’s older.

And the answer is YES.  We totally set the wading pool up on Sister’s deck instead of in the yard, because (1) SHADE, and (2) Sister’s entire yard is currently trenched for sprinklers, because nothing says LANDSCAPING IMPROVEMENT more than installing your own sprinkler system when it’s over one hundred degrees outside every day.

IMG_6889 IMG_6892 IMG_6894 IMG_6896 IMG_6887 IMG_6898 IMG_6899 IMG_6900 IMG_6901 IMG_6904 IMG_6905 IMG_6909 IMG_6911 IMG_6920  IMG_6922 IMG_6931 IMG_6932On Friday morning, I met Mandy and her little K and our friend, Melanie, at Starbucks for coffee.

I haven’t talked that much or laughed that hard in weeks, people.  It was a perfectly golden morning.

And then I bought a full cart full of groceries, because conditions were reminiscent of Old Mother Hubbard at our house.

On Saturday, the boy spent the night with Enzo, because his social calendar is always full.  Hubs and I took Thing 2 to the fish hatchery, because IT IS IN THE MOUNTAINS.  That’s code for IT WON’T BE AS HOT THERE AS IT IS IN ON THE MAINLAND.  I also managed to forget my camera, because OF COURSE.

So… there are no snapshots of Thing 2 feeding the gigantic trout for the first time in his entire life, but listen:  We’re chalking it up as a total WIN, because he never fell into any of the fishponds.

On Sunday, we had church.  And then we drove around with cold iced teas, looking at tractors on rural country roads, because finding one makes Thing 2 squeal with happiness.  And then we went back out to our church for a little get-together, and THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING HAPPENED!  Two twelve-year-old girls offered to take Thing 2 to the playground and hang out with him.  They were JUST SO EXCITED to do it, and he was excited, and that made ME excited.

Without Thing 2 to keep tabs on, I was plum dadgum free to talk and talk and talk, and you can bet the last dollar in your checking account that I took full advantage of it.  I backed Melanie and Libby and Katie and Becky into a corner, and I talked until I was hoarse, because that’s what women who are stuck inside with a toddler all week long tend to do when they come into contact with real people who don’t use sippy cups.

And then, when my free babysitters came back inside because YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE HOW HOT IT IS OUT THERE, and because they wanted paper plates filled with cookies and brownies and miniature cupcakes and big jugs of ice water, we called it a night and came back  home.

And now… well... y’all are totally caught up on what has been happening over here.

Carry on and have a fantastic Monday.

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