We Didn’t Even Bake A Cupcake

Well, it’s Columbus Day, and I went ahead and celebrated it exactly like Chris C. always envisioned people would, when he first crashed his ship into the sandy, North American beaches and disembarked:

I went to Walmart with the toddler, where I realized that my favorite chai latte K-cups must be a thing of the past now, because my luck goes like this:  EVERYTHING I LOVE IS ALWAYS DISCONTINUED, which explains why I can no longer buy my favorite L’Oreal lipstick from 1988, which was an iridescent pink and paired well with my white-leather-fringed Bon Jovi boots.  So… I bought a new brand of chai today.  My official review is that it’s absolutely awful.  Those K-cups taste like something that probably sat below deck on the Santa Maria for the entire journey across the ocean… and the rats may or may not have crawled in and out of the chai barrels for a bath time swim, just to get the filth and stench out of their fur coats. It certainly was no brand of tea that the queen would have sipped while she commissioned Christopher to go forth and discover new lands, which just goes to show you one thing:  Chai tea was always meant to be had at Starbucks.

Then… I hauled the boy and Kellen out to tennis lessons first thing this morning, because nothing says CELEBRATE YOUR DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL like an early-hour wake-up call for tennis.

(And nothing adds to the vacation-day celebration like having your mom declare, “Your room looks like the devastating photos on the news after an F5 tornado has hit a town.  Your life will be shut down until the National Guard is called in to help you with the cleanup.  I’ll try to get some rations, in the form of MREs and bottles of distilled water, dropped at your door, because MAMA CARES.”)

(I’m happy to report that the cleanup took place.  The boy carried a load of dirty clothes OUT OF his bedroom that made it look like the entire Duggar family had been living in his walk-in closet for three months straight without the luxury of a washing machine.  I can’t even tell you the joy this brought to my heart to see that MY ALREADY ENORMOUS LAUNDRY PILES WERE BEING QUADRUPLED WITH ONE DUMP.)

Then there were errands to run.  Specifically, we went to the post office to mail a package today, but LOW!  The mind of the elderly does not work at full speed all the time, and I plum, dadgum forgot that the post office was closed today, so that employees could have their own Columbus Day Celebrations at Walmart and with bad chai lattes.  So… I went to the UPS Store, where I found out that YES, they COULD take my package today, although it won’t be mailed until tomorrow, because DID I REALIZE TODAY WAS AN ACTUAL HOLIDAY?

After that, I took Thing 2 to the park, where he went down the slide one thousand, three hundred and fourteen more times, before he decided that he really just wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon flinging sand in all directions from the sandbox.  This would have been all fine and dandy with me, until my baby discovered a… AHEM!… bit of a “cat dropping.”  This called for Emergency Sanitation Rituals, carried out by the ever-present bottle of Germ-X in Mama’s Suburban, right before we drove straight home and washed our hands thirteen times in our bathroom sink.

And then we took the boy to his soccer game this evening, where we all heartily cheered him and his teammates on to a 3 to 1 victory.  We are a clapping and cheering sort of family.

And that was today.  I really regret the fact that we didn’t buy a bouquet of balloons or make a cake to celebrate the discovery of our continent, but between CRACK-OF-THE-DAWN TENNIS LESSONS and THE POST OFFICE IS CLOSED and WHAT KIND OF NEW HELL IS THIS CHAI TEA and CAT TURD!  CAT TURD!  CAT TURD IN THE BABY’S HANDS!, we didn’t go all out this year.

Merry Columbus Day, y’all.

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