They Caught The Fire Of The Thai Pizza, And We Couldn’t Put It Out

Before I say anything else here, I need to talk about the pizza Hubs brought home last night.

And honestly?  The MAMA IS ON A COOKING ROLL streak didn’t really end, so much as it came to a bit of road construction, otherwise known as MAMA WAS GONE FOR TWELVE CONSECUTIVE HOURS FROM HOME YESTERDAY, SO… LIKEWHEN WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO BROWN UP SOME BURGER FOR A NICE TATER TOT CASSEROLE?  I have resumed my dedication now to bringing succulent meals to our table, that make me look as well-polished as Carol Brady.

But Carol had Alice, so who are we kidding?

Between the boy’s soccer game last night and our mad dash to get to the church for youth group that was going to start exactly fourteen minutes after the game ended, I managed to shout out to Hubs, “Stay alive!  I will find you!”

Except… not really.  I said, “If you want food tonight, grab some take-and-bake pizzas!”  And then I may have smiled that grin of mine where my teeth sparkle like a toothpaste commercial and added, “And it would be fantastic if you had them all hot and on the counter waiting for us when youth group is finished.”

We are a rut-livin’ bunch at our house, when it comes to the take-and-bake  pizzas.  We NEVER deviate from the tried-and-true order, in which we get one large cheese pizza for the boys and one large pizza with Canadian bacon and onions and pepperoni for the grownups around here.  We stick to the plan; we never stray from the trail.  We are boring and extremely predictable when it comes to our pizza order.

Or… we WERE… until the boy and Thing 2 and I walked in our front door at 7:45 last night to discover THREE pizzas on our kitchen counter, because Hubs had ventured out into unexplored territory and purchased a Thai Pizza.

My first comment was, “I can’t believe you bought a pizza with zucchini on it.”

Because Hubs frowns at zucchini like we all frown at Ebola.  He won’t touch it.

He said, “I had no idea that this pizza came with zucchini on it, until they handed it to me, but it’s okay, because I can’t even taste it.”

The translation, through an interpreter, for that statement is:  THE THAI SAUCE ON THIS PIZZA IS SO HOT, YOU WILL TRY TO UTTER CURSE WORDS, BUT FIND THAT YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE YOUR TONGUE HAS BURST INTO FLAMES AND LEFT NOTHING BUT A PILE OF GRAY ASH IN YOUR MOUTH.

I kid you not.

I tried the pizza, and I’m here to say that it can be used as a sinus rinse and a colon cleanse, all at the same time.  It chapped my lips and made me cry, and WHAT ZUCCHINI?!  WAS THERE ZUCCHINI ON IT?!  Because all you can taste is DEVIL HOT, and you don’t even notice that there are actually real vegetables on the crust.

You can replicate this pizza at home, if you like, by spreading some pizza sauce onto a prepared pizza crust… adding some zucchini… and then dousing the whole thing in cheese and gasoline, right before you light a match.  The tricky part will be taking a bite through the flames, but I’m here to tell you that it can be done.

So… the soccer game last night.

We won’t talk about the score, because… in the words of our coach… “Sometimes you just have to know when your coaching instructions aren’t going to work any more, and then you find your happy place in your brain, where you can’t hear the cries of those being slaughtered.”

The boy’s team this season has played some powerfully good soccer under Coach Paul’s guidance, and this is the second time that we have played the Purple Team.  In our first game against them, we tied… zero to zero… because the defensive lines on Purple and Lime Green couldn’t be breached with nuclear warheads that evening.

And then there was last night, when Purple decided that they were on fire, exactly like Hot Thai Sauce, and Lime Green decided that HEY!  WHAT’S EVERYONE GOING TO DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? and also OH, MAN!  DID YOU THINK THAT LAST ESSAY QUESTION ON THE SCIENCE TEST WAS HARD, OR WHAT?!

Because Lime Green wasn’t thinking about scoring goals last night, when the score looked more like a basketball score than anything else.

Eight.  To.  Zero.

But the good news is that we know half of those Purple kids (because this is Small Town, USA, and we know EVERYONE), and we still love them, especially since the boy’s best buddy, Kellen, plays for that team.

So last night’s match-up will just go down in the history books as The Game That Shall Not Be Named, but everyone really did have a good time.

I snapped some pre-game photos of a few spectators…

There’s Cousin K and his buddy, Mason.  (Mason’s older sister is Cousin L’s good friend, and she plays on our team.)

IMG_9806 IMG_9808And little Cousin H…

IMG_9810

And Thing 2, who dressed in his favorite team’s colors, while he managed to yell, “Go!  Go!  Goooooo!” like the best college cheerleader who has ever loaned his voice to a sporting event.

IMG_9812Kellen took the job as keeper for his team during the first half of the game.

IMG_9811And then we sort of got that game started.

IMG_9816 IMG_9825 IMG_9833 IMG_9835This is the boy’s friend, Josh.  Josh is WICKED DANG FAST, and he’s an awesome soccer player.  Josh knows how to move that ball around a field.

IMG_9819Here’s Kiley and Cousin L.  Kiley’s dad (who has been Hubs’ good friend since they, themselves, were in junior high school) is our coach.

IMG_9830 IMG_9836 IMG_9839 IMG_9840 IMG_9841 IMG_9847 IMG_9849 IMG_9851 IMG_9860 IMG_9853 IMG_9854 IMG_9879 IMG_9880 IMG_9881At halftime, I think the score was six to zero, but this is a non-competitive, non-score-keeping league, so we don’t care about that.

Except every parent on the sidelines KNEW EXACTLY that it was six to zero.

IMG_9861 IMG_9866 IMG_9868 IMG_9873 IMG_9875 IMG_9877Kellen came out of his goalie box for the second half, and he and the boy played side-by-side… on opposing teams.

IMG_9887 IMG_9888 IMG_9890 IMG_9894 IMG_9897 IMG_9898 IMG_9899 IMG_9900 IMG_9902 IMG_9905 IMG_9906 IMG_9908 IMG_9909And then the Lime Green goalie went down to catch a ball, and she landed on her shoulder wrong.

We had an injury that required attention and lots of ice, so Coach Paul put the boy into the goalie box.  The boy wasn’t excited about this at all, because he’s not a fan of playing keeper.

IMG_9915 IMG_9918 IMG_9921 IMG_9923 IMG_9927 IMG_9928 IMG_9932 IMG_9933Our boy had some amazing saves that made his mama holler congratulatory statements like a wild woman, while she clapped ferociously and wished that she could whistle loudly, because LOOK AT MY KID WHO JUST STOPPED FIVE RAPID-FIRE SHOTS ON GOAL!!!

And then Kellen… BLESS.  HIS.  HEART…. scored two goals on his best friend.

Thankfully, theirs is a friendship where that sort of thing certainly doesn’t matter.

IMG_9938 IMG_9939

Coach called a post-game, team meeting to remind everyone that it isn’t about who wins or loses… and that grief counselors would be on hand in the parking lot for parents to talk to, as they tried to cope and handle an eight to zero loss.

IMG_9937 IMG_9943Oh, people.

I kid!

It was a fun, FUN game, even though the score didn’t work out in our favor.  We have fun kids on our team… we played fun kids on the Purple Team… and there were some stinking fun parents in the bleachers to talk to during the game.  Plus, the weather was simply beautiful; it was just good to be out there with everyone.

And see?

Even Coach Paul was grinning after the game.

IMG_9944 IMG_9945 IMG_9946Y’all have a merry weekend, and I have some advice:

I know that the weekends are famous for pizza-eating, so if you order the Thai Pizza, make sure that your fire extinguisher is up to code and is readily accessible to everyone in the home.

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