That Week When Elsa Made Everything Cold Around Here

I know.

It’s Friday, and I don’t ever post on Fridays, because WEEKEND!  And here at Jedi Mama, Inc., we like to give our staff the weekends off.

That would be the CEO (which is me) and my cute computer geek / IT guy (which is Hubs).  We don’t have any more staff members on the payroll, because… well… we don’t actually HAVE a payroll, and not many folks like to work for ZERO AMERICAN DOLLARS.

But anyway…

We’ve been very busy around here, because my dad had another little surgery to take some cancer out of his bladder again.  I don’t know if you’ve ever spent a considerable amount of time at a hospital with a toddler, but it’s an enlightening activity that makes me wish the vending machines had a WINE option beside all the sodas and fruit juices and bottles of water.

There are some things that simply call for daytime drinking, and chasing a toddler up and down the hallways of a hospital is more than likely heading that list.  All I can say is that the Radiology Department has a giant bowl of individually-wrapped Lifesavers candy on their counter, and those little candies have done exactly what their name implies.  They have saved us, by offering to be a safe harbor on a stormy sea of I’M TIRED OF BEING IN THE HOSPITAL, AND I REALLY CAN CLIMB OVER THE STAIR RAILING WITHOUT FALLING!  The staff in that wing has been so kind to us.  When they extended the bowl to Thing 2, while we were walking the hallways for exercise, so that he could pick which color of Lifesaver he wanted, I reminded him, “Just one!”  And Thing 2 said, “Just one!  But he likes two!”

Of course that made the radiologists laugh, so they gave him nine.

My dad’s surgery went well, and… if you were one of those six thousand and fourteen people that I asked to pray… then THANK YOU for beating on Jesus’ front door for us.  We really DO like my dad, and he has grandchildren who still need him around to play with.

And also?

Small Town is experiencing this Arctic Blast / Polar Vortex that has come down from the North Pole, so our high temps have only been in the single digits, while our windchills have been enough to make legs and arms just freeze and snap right off of a body.  It’s nothing like simple frostbite, where the fingers and toes turn to tiny blocks of ice and fall off; this is a much more powerful type of frozen, that involves me telling Elsa that it’s time to knock it off already with the slinging of the hands and the spreading of all the cold, and NO!!  I ABSOLUTELY DON’T WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN, BECAUSE I WANT TO CRAWL INSIDE THE FIREPLACE IN MY PAJAMAS AND SIT THERE UNTIL I’M WARM.


There was this on Facebook today:

10473753_10203298536404403_2853916392628381114_nThis is especially funny, because on Tuesday of this week, I had recess duty in the afternoon.  Since indoor recess is THE LAST OPTION AVAILABLE for all teachers who wish to preserve their sanity, I asked our front office what the temperature was.


It was six degrees on Tuesday afternoon, so WE.  WENT.  OUTSIDE.  Some schools in Small Town, USA have a very strict policy of NO ONE GOES  OUTDOORS UNLESS THE TEMPERATURE IS ABOVE TEN DEGREES, but at our private Catholic school, we go outside if the temp is ZERO DEGREES or higher.

Catholic kids are just tougher than their public school counterparts.

I made the kids get their heaviest coats on, and I helped zip jackets and push gloves onto fingers and stuff feet into boots and find missing scarves, and OUT.  WE.  WENT.

And that’s when I thought to myself, “Um… yeah.  So I don’t think it’s actually SIX.”

Because at that point, six would have felt like Florida when compared to what we were standing in.

The kids didn’t care, though, because they had been cooped up for indoor recess for two full days, so they were off to make snow caves and play King of the Mountain on the giant snow piles that had been created by the snow plow, when it went across the playground earlier that morning.

Since I was NOT climbing the snow hills and working up any kind of sweat at all… since I was, in fact, simply standing outside and praying that Jesus would speed up the clock, so that the fifteen minutes of recess would go faster than any other block of fifteen minutes  had ever gone before, because LOOK, JESUS!  JOSHUA PRAYED FOR THE SUN TO STAND STILL!!!… I was nothing but a solid chunk  of ice.

And that’s when our 4th grade teacher opened the door and hollered, “You’re a dork!  It’s MINUS FOURTEEN DEGREES with the windchill!  I’m going to go pour myself some more VERY HOT COFFEE in the teacher’s lounge!  HAVE FUN!”

So that’s what has been happening around here.

But now it’s officially Friday.  My dad’s doctor was very optimistic that he’d get to go home this afternoon, and the temperature this morning was a POSITIVE TEN, with no wind, which really and truly FELT GOOD.

I think I can see summer from here, and I’m pretty sure I hear Olaf singing.

Have a happy weekend, y’all.

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