The Mini Blizzard Of ’15

Apparently, Small Town, USA is not ready to release its grip on all the winter yet, which probably explains the little blizzard that blew through town yesterday and stranded motorists like me in the grocery store parking lot.  I would’ve loved to have driven further at the time, but it’s very difficult when you can’t even see the end of the hood on your Suburban, because UTTER WHITEOUT.  I was busy, minding my own business and driving along, when BOOM!  There was all this swirling, blinding snow, and WHERE DID THE STREET GO?  Since I knew that I was somewhere near the entrance to the grocery store, I just prayed that no one would T-bone me while I made a left turn, said another prayer that I’d hit the smooth entrance to the parking lot and not have to hop my vehicle over the curb, and then Thing 2 and I sat still in a parking slot for three or four minutes, while the blizzard passed over us like a bad ghost from Christmases past.

And then we went on our merry little way, in the partial whiteout.

At least you can see sixteen feet in front of your car when the word PARTIAL is used in conjunction with WHITEOUT.  Being able to see sixteen feet ahead felt so safe, compared to five minutes earlier.  Sixteen feet lets you see one car in front of you, so I felt incredibly secure merging back into oncoming traffic.

The blizzard left our streets looking like mirrors, because HOLY SHEETS OF PURE ICE, BATMAN!!  It was all very pleasant, which is probably why my sister hopped a plane yesterday to go visit a friend in Arizona.  There just comes a time in a girl’s life when her hormones are working against her, and she simply decides that SHE IS OVER THE SNOW!

(I’m sitting there right now.)

(Oh, I’m not sitting in Arizona; I’m sitting under the sign that says, “This Girl Cannot Wait For Spring.”  I thought I should be clear.)

Sister packed her swimming suit and shorts.

She packed her sunglasses and her sunscreen.

And also her flip-flops.

I’m not talking to her right now, because I know she’s floating in her friend’s backyard pool, as we speak, with nary a cloud in that bright blue sky, while we’re trying to get snow shoveled off the patio and wishing the fireplace burned at a temperature more like NUCLEAR BONFIRE, to take the chill off the HIGH OF FIFTEEN DEGREES day that we had.

Later yesterday, when I glanced at Facebook, one of my friends in the deep South had posted that their weather report was calling for some snow, and that her son had decided they could use trashcan lids for sleds, if indeed the weatherman was right about this forecast.  It’s because they don’t actually OWN sleds, because DEEP SOUTH.  And the small fact that her eleven-year-old son has seen snow exactly once in his entire life.  I tried to work up some sympathy for them, because HER POOR BOY HAS ONLY HAD SNOW ONE!! TIME!! EVER!!, but my reserves were dry.  It’s probably because they were basically still having spring weather and wearing flip-flops down there, while I was waiting out a blizzard in a parking lot.

And really, that’s all that I have to talk about tonight, because nothing exciting (other than snow and snow and snow and ice and more ice) has happened.  I feel like if I TRY to invent something to type about right now, I’m just going to start listing my grocery list in adjective-heavy detail.


I can tell you this little tidbit, which is an actual conversation that happened at church yesterday.  The kids had youth group last night.  When we showed up, Sister’s Husband (who is not in Arizona, because he’s being the responsible, working, single-parent, while his wife floats on a tube in a pool IN ALL THE SUNSHINE and sips drinks with umbrellas in them) was already there, in the front foyer, with their kids.  Thing 2 came blowing in with a strong, icy wind at his back.  He whipped off the hood from his coat and hollered to my three-year-old niece, “H!  Hi, H!!!  He so happy to see you!!!!”  And then he raced right over to her, threw his arms around her, and hugged the snot plum out of her.

Little H tried to breathe and said, “Thing 2, you hug too tough!  I don’t like tough hugs!  I like gentle hugs!  Tough hugs make me crazy!!”

I thought I was going to wet my drawers from laughing over that.

Tough hugs make me crazy.

That could be an inspirational poster in a classroom somewhere.

So could the words, “When the tough blizzards strike, the wise pack their sandals and fly to sunny Arizona.”

And then… LOOK!  I have a short video for you tonight of Thing 2 putting in his pretend contact lenses…

That kid makes my heart happy.

Y’all have a good weekend.  Stay warm.  And if you live in the deepest parts of the South, where you have to deal with alligators, I hope that you see a skiff of snow.  While you’re out playing in it, just go ahead and understand that it’s NOT REAL SNOW UNLESS YOU HAVE TO SHOVEL IT, AND YOU CAN’T DRIVE IN IT!

1 thought on “The Mini Blizzard Of ’15

  1. You could have added at least two more paragraphs if you would have told us about the adventure of going up the hill on the way home, and then how you actually made it up your ice covered bob-sled-run-like-driveway!! What was Thing 2’s reaction to the white-out in the parking lot? I’m going to take a guess and say it was dead silence in the Suburban!!

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