One Long Day

Hubs’ phone rang this morning at 4:02.

I’m not sure that there’s anything in this world that gets your blood flowing through your veins faster than a middle-of-the-night phone call.  I could have lifted a bus off a porcupine on the highway at 4:02 this morning, my adrenaline was flowing so heartily.  Hubs scrambled out of bed in a flurry of blankets and pillows flying everywhere, to dash for his phone in the kitchen, because phone calls at 4:02 AM are usually not filled with goodness and invitations to coffee dates.

And yes.  Some people charge their phones overnight next to the bed, which you know… LOGICAL.  And some folks charge their phones in the kitchen, because their phones make noise ALL THE LIVELONG NIGHT, by alerting their owners to YOUR SECURITY CAMERAS AT WORK HAVE DETECTED SOMETHING IN YOUR PARKING LOT and HERE’S A NEW EMAIL ON DISCOUNTED COMPUTER SOFTWARE, until I want nothing more than to strangle Hubs’ Samsung with my bare hands.  So, because he never remembers to turn his volume back on in the mornings, if he silences the phone overnight, it goes in the kitchen, where all the text alerts and email alerts and weather alerts and the alerts for the alerts go relatively unnoticed while we sleep.

Because?  Every single time the motion sensors on Hubs’ security cameras at work pick up movement in their parking lot, Hubs is notified.  Last week, a mother raccoon and her seven babies took up aerobic walking through the parking lot.  Back and forth, back and forth they went, all night long, and Hubs received no fewer than four thousand texts letting him know that there were masked bandits frolicking between the yellow parking space lines.

11224152_1062625623762714_5127058794303584348_nI’m sure the poor girl was out shopping for groceries, and she had to take the seven young ‘uns with her, because they would’ve been into everything at home, had she left them unattended.  I feel for her, as she probably repeated herself three dozen times by saying, “Stick together!  Hold hands when we cross the road!  Get that out of your mouth, Randall!  We don’t eat rocks, Robert!  Hold Rocky’s hand, Rebecca!  Rosa, stop lagging so far behind; that’s how foxes catch you.  Rico, you’re going to make me take up drinking if you don’t stop pulling your brother’s tail!  Stop complaining, Reggie.  We’re almost there.  See?  The garbage cans are just in front of us!”

The poor darling.  I feel her pain.

But seriously, the phone rang at 4:02.

It was a call for tech support.

“Yeah, I just flashed offline all of the sudden, and I’m smack in the middle of a heated bidding war against PimpMyCar3829 for a transmission for my 1984 Firebird, and I’m gonna need you to talk me through getting things back together, because I’m about to lose this auction!”

Except, it wasn’t quite like that.  Apparently, the police station in Nearby Smaller Town, USA was offline, so their officers were going to have to resort to playing Solitaire on Windows, instead of Candy Crush.

By lunchtime today, I was ready to get everyone in their pajamas and brush their teeth, we’d been up so long, but then I realized NOON!

And that, y’all, pretty much set the tone for the day.

I had fully-caffeinated coffee this morning, BECAUSE 4:02, and I very rarely drink the leaded stuff.


Thing 2 was full of energy and grins this morning, so I had him smile for my camera.

IMG_5692 IMG_5696 IMG_5699 IMG_5701 IMG_5702I popped these snapshots off right before he helped himself to my coffee cup and slopped it down the front of that cute T-shirt.  It’s why I buy stain removers in bulk.

Later this morning, Thing 2 came out of the boy’s bathroom, holding a coffee mug of his own.  When we crossed paths in the hallway, he looked at me and said, “Don’t worry.  I got my own drink.”

And that’s when I realized that I had never heard water running out of the faucet, which is a sound that I am TOTALLY IN TUNE with.  Missing the initial strains of that sound can cause a flood that summons insurance companies.

So, you know… if a three-year-old announces that he’s just filled a cup of water TO DRINK out of a bathroom, and you never heard the water running…

… where did he actually get the water?

Which is why we did brush our teeth right before lunchtime, as I slowly counted to ten in my head, thirty times in a row.

That mother raccoon has nothing on me with her brood of seven.  Her mothering days (nights??) are a walk in the park compared to what I face in the light of Thing 2’s budding independence.

Y’all have a merry Tuesday evening.  May your coffee always be prepared with fresh SINK water.

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