The Pumpkin That Was

One of my very favorite things to do is sit down at my big desk computer, armed with a cup of hot coffee (heavy on the cream, because I have no idea how on earth the old cowboys every drank anything that wasn’t the color of PALE BEIGE on the range), and browse home tours on blogs.

Yes.  This is extremely nerdy of me, isn’t it?  I’m also crazy-happy about getting new gel pens, and a brand new, pristine notebook makes me grin from ear to ear.  It’s called Delayed Nerd, because I never took the time in high school to enjoy anything so wonderful as a decent Pilot G-2, retractable, gel-ink pen, in fine point, size .7 mm.

(In my defense, gel ink wasn’t even a thing when I was in high school.  We were barely out of the Hieroglyphics On Cave Walls With Berry-Infused Paint stage back then.)

Anyway.

I love to scroll through photos of well-decorated homes online and dream big, as I pin pictures like a crazy woman in house slippers, thinking WOULDN’T THIS BE NICE TO MAKE FOR THE LIVING ROOM?  Sadly, we all know that where I’m concerned, those boards of mine on Pinterest should just be called STUFF I’LL NEVER DO.

That’s pretty much where I pin all the dinner recipes that sound delicious, as well.

Today, I had a chance to scroll through some fall tours, and all I can say is this:  There are a whole lot of mamas out there who must have a bottomless storage shed in their basements, where they can pull out this bit of gunnysack and that bit of orange tulle, and LOOK!  A TREE STUMP THAT I CAN SAND DOWN, VARNISH AND WORK INTO THE DECOR AS A SIDE TABLE, because some of these fall home tours were breathtaking.

Absolutely breathtaking and brilliantly executed.

Then, I found THIS little gem, which pretty much sums up MY entire vision for the fall season:

1654051_794443950598557_982643012137545873_nAdd to that the small fact that most of our house usually looks like THIS, and you can understand why I’m never asked by famous bloggers to feature my own home on their bloggity tours…

IMG_4924(In case you’re wondering, THAT would be Thing 2’s bedroom, after a train derailment.)

(Also?  Well, I can make his bed up a hundred and nine different times every day, and he’ll rip the blankets off one hundred and ten times, to build forts with.)

(In other words, I’ve learned that my life has more value than being a constant toddler-bed-maker.)

This year, we really did set a single, solitary pumpkin outside our front door.  It was one that Thing 2 hauled home from his preschool’s trip to the pumpkin patch.  Of course, I thought it would be downright lovely to gather more pumpkins, of varying sizes and colors, and add festive candles and trailing ribbons and some greenery and dried leaves, but no.

Just no.

I got busy remaking a small bed again, and the pumpkin, much like the cheese, stood alone.

And then this happened:

IMG_5125I caught the little gray culprit, who raced out of that pumpkin when I walked up onto our patio and absolutely scared the heartbeat right out of me two days ago.  His face was dyed a brilliant orange, as he jumped onto our retaining wall, some seven feet away, and huffed and puffed, thanking the stars that he saw me coming, before I slammed a foot into that hole in the pumpkin and kept him there, very well in the pumpkin shell.

This morning, there were FIVE (!!!) squirrels feasting on our pumpkin.  All that’s left today is the base, as the original perpetrator and his four friends (“Come!  I have pumpkin!  Tell your friends!  We’ll feast like the human’s do on Thanksgiving!”) ate it down to nothing.

IMG_5111And THAT, people, is something you’ll never find featured on home tours on fancy decorating blogs.  Ain’t a single one of them that photographs the bottom inch of a pumpkin, with seeds scattered all over the concrete like a crime scene, and says, “And this is our outdoor decor.”

Y’all have a happy Tuesday evening, and just remember… anything you do to decorate for fall is going to be amazing, compared to how we’ve done things up real nice with the rodents around our house.

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