Reconsidering My Career Options As A Pitcher

Yesterday, while we were driving in the Suburban, I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Thing 2 chewing on a Matchbox car behind me.  We have had the conversation a zillion times (And NO!  I NEVER exaggerate!) about not chewing on these cars, because that preschooler usually ends up chewing the wheels right off.

In other words, CHOKING HAZARD.  Pulling the Suburban over to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on the side of the road has never been high on my bucket list.

Anyway… our conversation went exactly like this:

ME (using my very stern voice, which is the exact voice usually reserved for mothers in hair rollers and bathrobes, with a Virginia Slims cigarette hanging out of their mouths and a glass half full of ice cubes and whiskey in their hand at 10 AM):  “If you don’t get that Matchbox car out of your mouth right this second, I’m going to roll down my window and THROW.  IT.  OUT.”

THING 2 (with enormously wide eyes):  “Oh!  That would be SO COOL!  Here, Mom!  Here’s my car!  Throw it out the window!  Throw it really hard, and try to hit one of these houses as we drive by!!”

We never have dull days at our house.

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