Sneaky Butter

I saw THIS today, and all I could do was vigorously nod and say, “Yes!!  Yes, THAT is exactly my life!”, I had no idea that there were others living my same life; perhaps there’s hope for a support group, where we sit on metal folding chairs, clutching Styrofoam cups of coffee and say, “My name is Mama, and my child only eats sneaky butter.”  Thing 2, you see, will scream like a coked-out banshee if he sees me putting butter on his toast, because HE DOES NOT LIKE BUTTER!  But he doesn’t like dry toast either, because it’s… well… clearly too dry.  The only way to describe what Thing 2 likes is to say that he likes “sneaky butter.”  It’s the solid truth, y’all!  He won’t eat the toast if he sees me buttering it, but he won’t eat the toast without the butter, either.

But when I butter the toast when he’s not looking?  Yes… that’s his favorite food, and he will gobble it straight up.

This method of sneaking the butter also applies to waffles and pancakes.  If Thing 2 gets a visual of the butter dish in the same vicinity as his waffle, a meltdown will happen, but listen:  He won’t eat the waffle without the butter.  But a sneakily buttered waffle?  Yes, ma’am!  Serve that sucker right up, because it’s his favorite food as well!  In fact, he’ll eat TWO waffles that have been buttered by a stealthy ninja behind his back.

Thing 2 will also refuse to eat a hamburger with ketchup on it.  If ketchup even touches his hamburger, it is dead to him, and he will throw it straight to the floor.  He cannot stand the ketchup.  He won’t dip his fries in ketchup.  He won’t dip ANYTHING in the ketchup.  It’s safe to say that our kid actually hates, loathes and despises the ketchup…

… until I have ketchup on MY plate for MY dipping enjoyment.  Then, suddenly, he’s all bent out of shape because he doesn’t have ketchup of his own, and he wants the Heinz that I have on my plate.  Except… when I scoop the ketchup off of my plate to plop onto his dinner plate, he no longer wants it at all.

Our son will only eat ketchup off of my plate.  That’s it.  He considers it to be Kryptonite unless I’ve squirted it next to my own French fries, and then it’s fair game for communal dipping.  He will survive if he can dip something off of his plate in the ketchup on my plate.

Welcome to parenting a three-year-old.  I feel like I’m not alone in it any longer.

And yes.  That little meme up there was part of an enormous collection of memes on toddlers’ eating habits.  Do you recognize any of your children in them?

CLICK HERE.  You’re welcome for the Tuesday night pick-me-up.

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