Our Second Case Of The Black Screen Of Death. We’re Still Alive.

The summer after the boy wrapped up kindergarten was a dark time for us.  I can barely speak of that time without needing to breathe in and out of a paper sack; I still have issues with wanting to pack my bags to move away to a deserted island, whenever anyone even mentions WHAT HAPPENED.

Because?  What happened?

Well.

Hubs, being the IT genius at our house… the man who can build a computer out of a twisty bread tie and someone’s half-chewed bubblegum, putting MacGyver completely to shame… thought I had been backing up our photos.  Why would he think that?  Do you know what I am capable of doing on a computer?  I can make an online purchase from Abercrombie Kids, send an email, and check Facebook to see if any of my friends are doing anything fun.

Do you know what I seem incapable of doing on a computer?  That would be any of the technical stuff.  Burning a CD?  I still need to watch a You Tube video.  Updating something called Java Script?  Good grief!  I delete all of those notices, because WHAT, EXACTLY, IS JAVA SCRIPT?  And do I need it in my life?  And backing stuff up?  Ha ha ha ha!!!  No.  I am not a professional at backing any data up.

But do you know who I married?  I married a man who started his very own business with a friend.  This business is called DATA STORAGE, because do you know what they do at their company?  Other than connecting folks to the World Wide Web, so people can take quizzes on Facebook to see which Frozen character they most resemble?  Hubs and his work partners STORE ALL THE DATA FOR ALL THE PEOPLE IN A DATA VAULT.

I think it’s very safe to assume that clear back in the summer after the boy finished kindergarten, I thought Hubs was taking care of the dirty work behind the scenes, so that all I had to do was turn the computer on and enter my credit card number at Gap Kids.  Yes… I assumed HE was backing things up.

Actually, the honest truth is… I NEVER assumed that he was backing things up, because backing things up really didn’t fit into my brain, with all the coffee dates and play dates and OH, MY GOSH!  WE’RE GOING TO FIRST GRADE! thoughts that I had at that time.

Long story longer… No one was backing up our photos during kindergarten, so when I turned my giant desk computer on one day and discovered the Black Screen of Death…

every.  single.  one.  of the boy’s snapshots that I had taken during kindergarten was lost.

Every.

One.

Pictures of him missing his two front teeth?

Gone.

Snapshots of his kindergarten Christmas program at school?

Vaporized.

You get the picture.  Or rather, you don’t get the picture, because they have all disappeared.  We even went so far as to send our hard drive to a company in Texas that was famous for retrieving irretrievable data.  I think the FBI used this company, and this company slung the motto around, “If we can’t get it back for you, it doesn’t exist.”

After they’d had our hard drive for two weeks, they sent it back to us with a phone call claiming, “Um… so… yeah.  Your hard drive cannot even be touched.  We are at a loss.  There will be no charge.”  They were embarrassed, because LOOK!  HERE’S A HARD DRIVE THAT CAN’T BE OPENED!  No criminal in all of recent history has ever been able to destroy a hard drive as successfully as we have.

And so it was to be.  We have pre-kindergarten pictures of the boy, and we have first grade pictures of the boy, but we have ZERO-POINT-ZERO KINDERGARTEN PICTURES OF THE BOY.

I don’t mean to point any fingers, but WHO WASN’T BACKING THIS STUFF UP?!  Oh, that’s right.  The girl who had no idea how to back anything up to begin with.

In all honesty, I’ve recovered from this ordeal… for the most part.  I sometimes get a twinge and a shudder, any time someone mentions, “Oh, look!  Here’s an old picture of my little Johnny, without his front teeth!”  Yes.  Enjoy that picture.  I have to just imagine what the boy looked like when he was missing both of his front teeth.  Thank you.

Since that summer so long ago, Hubs has installed enough software on our home computers to rival NASA’s launch room.  We are automatically backed up on a hard drive system that’s encrypted and stored in three separate locations.

So yesterday… when I tried to log onto the computer and got what essentially looked like the Black Screen of Death… I sighed and thought, “Let’s hope all of our pictures are secure in Fort Knox.”  Because that external hard drive, which is about the size of a cantaloupe, is what I would grab in the event of fire, flood or famine at our house, as I made my escape.

And do you know what?

My pictures were safe.

And Hubs managed to resuscitate our Big Mac today, so that she has a pulse again.  I think he used the paddles, and we’re out of ICU, so there will be no new laptop in our future.

Amen.

And really?  Well, I have no idea why I even told you this long-winded tale, except I honestly thought that the Black Screen of Death was going to be rather permanent, which would’ve meant that Jedi Mama, Inc. was going to be on a sabbatical for a while.  I couldn’t have even imagined doing blog posts from the convenience of my phone.  As it is, Hubs’ success with computer CPR has restored the blog access again on our Big Mac.

He’s a genuine hero.

Well played, Hubs!  And good job getting us backed up better than anything the FBI is capable of.

Now, if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to put this boring blog post to bed and go pull a giant ham out of my oven, because YES.  It’s glazed, spiral ham and mashed potatoes with gravy night at our house, and it isn’t even a holiday.  It’s just a Tuesday.  Betty Crocker would be so proud of me.

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