I opened up my blog portal (Is that even what you really call it? A blog portal? That makes it sound so science-y, and, if you know me at all, you’ll understand that nothing can make my eyeballs roll back inside of my head and cause me to lose focus more than ANY discussion on ANY science-related topic.), and apparently, when you don’t use your blog for anything more than posting a couple of memes in the week, disguised as legitimate posts, there are all manner of cobwebs to be swept out.
Specifically, the giant web that said, “We have updated your WordPress account.” Apparently, all I had to do was click here and click there, accepting the new terms, and I was fully in business. Bless WordPress, because THAT is exactly the level of IT help I want, when it comes time for computer help. I know that Hubs still heaves a giant sigh every time I ask him, “Um… HOW, exactly, do I burn some pictures onto a disc again,” but I’ve stopped caring. To balance that out, Hubs will stare at the control panel on a washing machine and ask, “Um… HOW, exactly, do we load this thing? And where do you put the soap? And no, I didn’t spend a lot of time sorting colored pieces of cloth out of the giant white pile. Will that become an issue?” I rest my case that we were a match made in Heaven.
Our last week has just been one of ups and downs and sideways turns, and ain’t nobody had time to come into work at Jedi Mama, Incorporated. My apologies.
We haven’t done anything at all fun over the past week, so I’ll just leave you with the bigger things that have happened, in a nice LIST FORMAT, because lists do my soul good.
1. The boy has started the spring golf season at the high school, which means his life now has renewed purpose. That boy of ours loves all the golfing. Of course, another golf season means that I’m picking up kids and running kids to golf courses around town, and picking kids up from golf courses and running kids home after practices, and getting kids to the bus at the high school before the sun has even peeked over the horizon for tournament trips, and then everyone wants dinner of some kind, because golfing can create a hunger that’s on equal footing with the military’s boot camp kind of hunger. I tend to have these little daydreams, where I sort of stare off into the middle distance, and envision the boy turning sixteen and having his driver’s license and a car. And then the dream ends with him loading his clubs into his own little truck and getting everyone to practice on time.
2. At the end of last week, the boy had a little minor surgery on his toe, which never even stopped him from practicing, or slowed down his game the following day, as he walked eighteen entire holes of golf in an out-of-town tournament.
He spent the evening at home, with his foot propped up, while he said things like, “Can you bring me a glass of water? Could I have my cell phone charger, please? Can you bring me my laptop so I can do my homework here?” Of course, these were all asked AFTER he’d just been to practice with Novocaine and a stitch in his toe.
3. I fell victim to strep throat this week. People, I have had strep throat approximately four thousand times in my life, and THIS TIME was THE VERY SICKEST I have ever been with anything. For forty-eight hours, I couldn’t focus on anything beyond, “Is It Time For My Next Dose Of Advil To Take This Fever Back Down?” I was home alone with Thing 2 one of those days, while everyone was off at work and school, and this is how we managed:
At one point, Thing 2 helped himself to an entire sleeve of Thin Mints, compliments of our Girl Scouting next door neighbor, and ate himself into a minty, sugar coma, while his mama laid in bed and encouraged him to just eat ALL OF THE COOKIES on the floor, and PLEASE DON’T GET THE CRUMBS IN MY BED WITH ME.
I dozed off once to wake up to a kitchen bar stool beside my bed. Thing 2 was standing on it, clutching the cord of our window blinds. I got to see him jump off and swing, right before the blinds came crashing down. He said, “I was just being that Tarzan man. You know that Tarzan man, mom? He swings on those jungle ropes all the time. I was just doing THAT!”
And that is why I had no blinds for the rest of the day, because I couldn’t even be asked to care about getting out of bed to rehang them.
Eat the cookies, Son. Eat the cookies and swing on the blinds and start fires and flood the bathroom. Mama just needs to rest. We’ll clean up tomorrow, when I’m well.
Thankfully, after I finally got myself to the walk-in clinic and had the doctor proclaim, “Oh, my word!” over the size of my tonsils and glands and depth of my fever, I came home with antibiotics and steroids, and I was better almost instantly.
4. We lost Hubs’ grandmother this week. She was 95 years old, and we had been anticipating this for a little while now, but still. Our hearts have been heavy with her loss, even though we know that she is enjoying her time with Jesus now.
Don’t even ask about it.
It’s a first-world problem, that I honestly have no right to complain about, because I could be washing my family’s clothing in a muddy creek under the watchful eyes of alligators and guerillas. I CANNOT COMPLAIN. And yet, I do, because the story behind my broken washing machine is one that makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall. I’ll save the telling of it for another time.
Basically, this is my life every week now:
If you think the weight distribution on that laundry cart doesn’t look safe, you would be guessing correctly. Apparently, there are parents who are such slackers, they take pictures of their Evil Knievel children BEFORE settling safety issues… before the cart flips…
Kids, please don’t try Thing 2’s stunt in your own local laundromat. He is a trained professional, whose balance is six thousand times better than yours is, and he nailed this trick without toppling the cart over. Children, his stealth mode is something you’ll never achieve in a lifetime, so be safe and leave the cart surfing to professionals.
6. I drive carpool each week to youth group, so I always have a car filled with teenagers. Thing 2 never wants to miss the carpool trip, because he gets to sit smack in the middle of all the cute girls!
7. We had one day this week that was so gloriously beautiful, I took Thing 2 to the park, while the boy was at school. It was the perfect-weather day… the kind of weather where you sigh, and think, “THIS! This is how every day should be!” And then you Google all the world’s average temperatures on your phone, trying to find one spot that you could move to, where every day would be 71 degrees and warm, with blue skies.
I’ve never been much for taking nature pictures, but the sky was so brilliantly blue that day, I absolutely could not resist snapping a picture of the trees in front of it.
And then the underground sprinklers popped up with zero-point-zero warning, soaking me to be the bone with water. Apparently, watering the lawn in early April is a real thing these days.
I had to drive home with my wet hair dripping down my face.
OH, GLORIOUS DAY.
And THAT, y’all, is the very wordy version of HOW WE HAVE SPENT OUR LAST WEEK. Y’all have a happy weekend.