That Day When I Almost Fought A Witch And Went Viral

Hubs and I went into Walmart this afternoon for our weekly Big Haul.  We desperately needed groceries, because we had no half-and-half for coffee.  If you have no half-and-half for coffee, then there’s really no need to even HAVE coffee.

At the checkout lane, we ended up with a witch scanning our groceries.  She was dressed up for Halloween, with the black, pointy hat, a green wig, and a sweet-looking wart, complete with three long hairs on it, stuck on her chin.

I hope the wart was part of her costume, but you can never be too sure these days.

I told her she looked great, because YES!  That little gal had invested a lot of time and cleverness into her witch get-up.

As she was scanning our half-and-half and our yogurt and our apples, she commented that she had to work until 11:30 this evening, and she’d LOVE — JUST LOVE IT!  OH, MY GOSH!  LIKE, IT WOULD BE SOOOO NICE TO HAVE!! — some of Thing 2’s energy.  Apparently, she had been watching him point out various store employees who were dressed up, and then she couldn’t help but have heard him clapping for all the costumes.

Hubs and I both said, in unison, “You can have ALL of his energy!”  And then the two of us burst out laughing, because clearly we have been married long enough… and been parents long enough together… to think the exact same thoughts.

The little girl checking us out laughed and said, “Well, I just need a little energy to get to 11:30 tonight, when I get off work.  Because you know what?  I’m more of a morning person, and less of a night person, and… like… I’m gonna completely tank and run out of momentum about 10:45 tonight, and I will still have another forty-five minutes to go.”

Forty-five minutes left after tanking?  The poor dear.

She talked so fast, I figured that she and Thing 2 probably already had a lot in common, and that she probably didn’t need much of his energy bottled up in a shot glass.

I told her, “Well, 10:45 is later than I would make it.  I’m a morning person, too, but I’m done with the day about 8:30 each night.”

Without missing a beat, the little gal laughed and said, “That probably has a lot to do with the fact that you’re A WHOLE LOT OLDER THAN I AM, so you’re probably getting to that stage in your life when you need to just sit down a lot, like older people do.”

And that’s pretty much when Hubs got to cheer me on in a fistfight.

Oh, people.

I kid.

Hubs didn’t cheer at all.  He kept yelling, “Stop fighting in Walmart, Mama!  People are using their phones to record this, and you’re going to end up on You Tube in ten minutes!”

As we left Walmart, I told Hubs, “It’s a good thing that little witch doesn’t work for tips!”

I think Hubs mumbled something about “REIGN THE IRRITATION IN, GLADYS!  YOU’RE GETTING ALL WORKED UP, WHICH ISN’T GOOD AT YOUR AGE.  WE’LL GET YOU HOME AND SETTLED IN FRONT OF WHEEL OF FORTUNE, SO YOU CAN SIT DOWN A BIT, WITH YOUR PROGRAM AND YOUR KNITTING, IN NO TIME.”

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