I think I just walked through six cobwebs, when I came in to work here at the Jedi Mama, Incorporated offices tonight. Who’s been running this place lately?
Oh, that’s right.
My only real excuse for skipping two nights in a row this week is simply this: IT HAS BEEN COLD AS ELSA’S FINGERNAILS HERE. And we’ve had more snow than any city hosting the winter Olympics would ever need. In other words, don’t talk to me about global warming, because it certainly isn’t happening in Small Town, USA. We are all lining up at Starbucks, asking for the added EXTRA HOT option on our drinks, wrapping scarves around and around and AROUND our necks, and running our gas fireplaces until our husbands cry out, “The gas bill is going to be an explosion of fireworks filled with dollar bill signs this month.”
I think we’ve gotten another foot of snow since last night, and the windchill on my phone told me it was a FEELS LIKE MINUS NINETEEN kind of morning at 7 AM when I bundled Thing 2 up, so that he could go outside and shovel.
Sweet mercy, that boy does love to shovel.
Why is it that when they’re four and can’t lift all the heavy snow and successfully accomplish a cleared patio, they’re ALL FOR, 100% IN on shoveling? But when they’re sixteen and could shovel their way from here to the polar ice cap, they grumble and mumble and try to get out of shoveling in all sorts of ways?
We don’t do Snow Days here in Small Town. Our school superintendent doesn’t believe in them. He thinks we’re stout and strong and WHO WANTS TO MAKE UP A SNOW DAY, COME JUNE 1st? He’s got us there. None of us want to come back after Memorial Day, especially when three extra Snow Days have to be tacked onto the calendar. So, we go. We go to school in the snow and the frigid temps, even if it means hooking up the dogsled and packing a thermos of soup for the drive. We go. even if it means our eyelashes will be frozen together when we arrive at school.
WHAT ARE THESE ELUSIVE THINGS CALLED SNOW DAYS?
We saw on the news that you got a skiff of snow one day last week. Like… almost an entire HALF INCH of snow. We also saw that everything shut down. Elementary schools, junior highs, colleges, gas stations, post offices, and everything else. We didn’t mean to laugh, Alabama, but we did. Our apologies.
And then, when we get to school on days like today… all the teachers get to host Indoor Recesses.
I, myself, pulled off two successful recess duties today, where I had ALL THE PRIMARY CHILDREN (kindergarten through 4th grade) in the gym with me. If you want to know what that’s like, get yourself thirty golden lab puppies. Then get yourself thirty fluffy-tailed squirrels. Put everyone together in a gymnasium, shut the doors, blow a whistle, and see what happens.
What happens is called INDOOR RECESS.
… after I had SURVIVED a dodgeball game with three million kids, ranging in age from five to ten…
… after I was hit in the face by a wayward dodgeball thrown by a 3rd grader, while I was untying a horrible knot for another kid’s sneaker…
… I went into the school office and poured myself a cup of coffee.
I never drink coffee from the school office, because it’s the kind that drips into one gigantic pot. Our little private school is poor, and our funds don’t cover a Keurig. We are a one-pot school, where everyone is on the same coffee-taste schedule. Our school secretary makes it, exactly how she likes her coffee, which is stout and thick and black as sin. It’s stuff that almost needs to be chewed. But, with enough milk out of the mini fridge in the school office and fourteen pumps of caramel flavoring, I made a mug o’ the nasty stuff, and then walked back into the gym to start 4th grade PE.
One of my 4th graders looked at me and asked, “Is that a hot Tom and Jerry’s you’re drinking?”
I have no idea what this says about me.
And THAT, y’all, is about all that’s happening around these parts right now.
EXCEPT… my dad’s most recent bladder surgery was a success on Monday, and the biopsy came back benign. We have no new cancer spots right now. Thank you for praying for that. We’ve asked Jesus to step a little closer, so we could throw confetti all over Him, while we toot our party horns.
Stay warm, folks. Run your fireplaces…
… and keep those Tom and Jerry’s flowing hot! And if you’re one of the lucky ones who earn yourself a mystical Snow Day, think of us. We will be there, having PE and algebra and learning our phonics.