Occasionally, I’ll open our pantry doors to discover that food items are missing.
Usually it’s granola bars that are missing, because boys have stomachs which never reach the FULL mark, and granola bars tend to take the edge off, before they can devour an entire pizza later. But sometimes, what’s missing turns out to be an entire round, cardboard canister of Quaker oatmeal.
And then? When you hear the train derailment happening in a nearby bedroom?
Well, you can bet the last dollar in your checking account that the train was hauling oatmeal. And then you can take that last dollar that you bet, along with all the winnings that you made when you slapped it down and said, “One buck on OATMEAL, please,” and you can put every last bit of it towards a second bet.
Who will clean up the disaster? Who will get the vacuum cleaner out and use Dawn dish soap to wipe the Lego mini figures clean and save their lives, exactly like they do for baby ducks in an oil spill?
It sure isn’t going to be Mama who cleans up the train wrecks around here.
My only regret is that I didn’t snap a picture with my phone when the disaster first struck, which would have shown you the full extent of the cataclysmic tragedy. The news crew was NOT on the ground, with their cameras rolling, in a timely matter at this news-worthy bit of devastation. The vans and their satellites and their wireless transmitters and their puffy microphones decided to start recording things after cleanup had already begun, when there wasn’t much disaster left to see.
Clearly, there will be no journalism awards won this time around.
You know, so that he looks extra handsome on camera, since the news crew has shown up with film rolling.
All I can say is this:
If our younger boy ever loses his engineer job over a train derailment and the devastating loss of precious cargo, he could probably make a fortune as a barber with an “as seen on TV” Flowbee. I’m going to place my bet on him being rather good at wielding a pair of clippers attached to a vacuum cleaner.