A Post About Nothing

I signed Thing 2 up for his thirty-third session of VBS this morning, and I need you to know that we are officially to that point of summer vacation, when I looked at the lady behind the registration table at this church and said, “What day is this?  I mean… Is it Tuesday?  Or Wednesday?  And also?  What day of the month is it?  Is this still July?  WHAT DO I EVEN WRITE ON THE DATE LINE ON THIS FORM???”

So that pretty much explains how our summer vacation is going.

(Also?  THIS explains even MORE how it’s going, because I just typed this exact phrase:  “So that pretty much explains how are summer vacation is going.”  Thank goodness that the Lord has provided us with a backspace key and a chance to do everything over.)

What you also need to know is that Hubs has been on a jerky-making kick with his Traeger.  He is making it out of cheap steak and a marinade that Jesus, Himself, created the recipe for.  I’ve never been a big jerky fan, because if I’m going to invest that much time chewing something, it should taste like creme brulee.  But… I am here to tell you… Hubs’ jerky is THE BEST out there.  The marinade flavor is so addicting, I cannot stop eating it.  I dread the moment when he opens the refrigerator and asks, “What the actual heck?  Where’d all my jerky go?” and I have to lie and say, “Our house was broken into today, Hubs.  I’m sorry.  They took half the beef jerky, but they left the twenty dollar bill that was on the bedroom desk, so let’s be thankful for that.”

I have had to floss jerky out of my molars three different times today, and my jaw needs to rest from chewing all that tough deliciousness.  I’ve decided that I probably shouldn’t talk much this evening, so that my jaw can recuperate for tomorrow morning’s beef jerky binge.

(And if you think summer vacation made me type the word MORNING there, when I meant a time later in the day tomorrow, then you are dead wrong.  I will confess now that my breakfast consisted of a cup of heavily-creamed coffee and three entire pieces of beef jerky today.  #hatersgonnahate)

But really… we are just living our best summer vacation lives around here at the moment.  I have no idea how to train, so that my re-entry into the world of taking a shower before 10 AM and curling my hair and making lunches doesn’t hurt as bad as it’s going to, in four short weeks.  Thankfully, Hubs and the boy are still representing our family, by wearing real clothes and going to work, while Thing 2 and I lay on the sofa in our pajamas and watch The Polar Express on DVD for the 192nd time this summer.  I have no idea why we must watch a Christmas movie in the blazing-hellfire-heat of July, but it’s the go-to time killer right now, and I don’t even care.  It keeps him quiet, even if I do find myself humming that song about hot chocolate to myself all day long.

I asked Thing 2 the other day, “Would you ever walk out of your house, in the snow and in your pajamas, and get on a train ride to the North Pole without telling your parents, like the boy in the movie did?”  Without even batting an eye, he said, “Yes.  I sure would!”  Clearly, all of my safety talks have sunk in, deep.  All the blesses for me, as the rest of you keep in mind that not every child is perfectly normal.

Nothing else is really happening around here right now, unless you count Thing 2’s vigilant watch on our ever-ripening chokecherries as something noteworthy.  He has watched them progress from green to pink to partially-red to fully red… and now we are waiting for them to turn that midnight purple color, because we know that’s when the birds will put aside their differences for two days, to come together and attack our oversized chokecherry bush with gusto and a crazed frenzy.  The robin will sit beside the owl on the chokecherry branches, hogging berries in an all-you-can-eat buffet.  If you were thinking that we were waiting for them to ripen so that we could go outside and pick them, so I could make chokecherry jelly for the family, then you must be new to this blog.  No, ma’am.  We are waiting for the birds to suddenly outnumber the leaves on that bush, as they strip it bare in less than forty-eight hours.  It’s like the sequel to the movie The Birds.  Thing 2 reports the berries’ color to me every single morning, because we are THISCLOSE to having a million birds outside our kitchen window to watch.

The boy is busy working at the golf course daily, and then he golfs eighteen holes daily, and then he hangs out with his friends daily, and then I have to remind him that YOU NEED TO MOW THE YARD AND TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT daily.  In other words, these are the best days of his life.

Annnnnd…. there it is.

Hubs just got home from work and opened the refrigerated and asked the MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE ALL THE BEEF JERKY WENT!!!

Y’all have a good evening.  If you need me, I’ll be over here, flossing my teeth again.

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