I should have worn black today.
Yes, indeed. Since black is the color of a woman in mourning, it fits me, as I am mourning the loss of Hubs in the evenings.
The NHL, you see, is in full swing.
As of today. Actually, as of nineteen minutes ago.
I’m not sure whose hair-brained idea it was to give a bunch of grown men sticks and tell them to skate around on the ice and play nicely with one another, but it never seems to work, and Hubs enthusiastically cheers when the stick-slapping starts. And I’m not sure how many of you actually follow hockey, but the Avalanche play every! other! night!
Or so it seems.
I’ve decided that if girls played hockey, the game would be entirely different.
“Oh, my gosh! Did you slip on the ice and fall? Here. Let me help you up!”
“Hey, Girlfriend! Your hair looks fabulous hanging out the back of your helmet like that!”
“No, you don’t look fat at all with seventy-four pounds of protective gear covering your body.”
“Holy crud! Did your tooth just fall out?! Stop the game! We’ll all sit with you at the dental office!”
“Wow! You’re as tall as Heidi Klum with those skates on! You look fabulous!”
“Oh, sweet Lord, you’ve bled all over your white jersey! Don’t worry, though. A little hydrogen peroxide and a Coke poured directly into your washing machine, right with the Tide detergent, will get it out — no problem.”
“Did you just break your hockey stick? Here. Use mine. I need to go take a break anyway and see if I broke a nail in that big glove of mine.”
Yes, indeed. You can give a pack of women sticks and send them out onto the ice, and we’d probably cheer one another on, and then see who’s up for the newest Sandra Bullock flick afterwards. (And seriously, after all that skating and sweating, butter on the popcorn would be NECESSARY.)
But if you give the same sticks to a pack of guys, they’ll smack each other around until someone is bloodied up real proper-like and missing a tooth that his mama paid good money to straighten with braces back in middle school. And all of his friends will cheer if a guy slams someone into the boards and drops them like a heavy sack of Yukon Golds.
It just doesn’t seem right.
Welcome to hockey season, 2009-2010.