We try to be civilized around the Jedi Manor.
We don’t scream at the boy in public places. I only wear my yoga pants at home. Hubs refrains from going to Walmart in his NASCAR shirts. We mow the yard on a fairly regular basis during the summer, and I refuse to let Hubs cart home stray engine parts to leave in our driveway, even though that is one of the deepest desires of his heart.
We also drink tea while holding our pinkies out, and we have learned to be very, very quiet with our applause while the boy is playing golf.
Sometimes, though, ANYONE can put on a good show of civilization. With a good set of dentures and after having taken the pink foam rollers out of the hair, some girls look pretty normal.
The Jedi Family is no exception. We’ve got a lot of people buffaloed with our normalcy.
Just look at what is currently in our refrigerator:
Go ahead and covet the Coffee Mate. It’s how coffee was made to be sipped. Actually, I’d put a straw into the jug of Coffee Mate, if I thought I could get away with it in polite society, but then I wouldn’t appear NORMAL. So… I use coffee in my Coffee Mate to be socially acceptable.
Coffee Mate is a pretty normal thing to have in your refrigerator. Unless, of course, you use the POWDERED kind, and that’s just sick and wrong.
It’s worse than adding chalk dust to your cup of Joe.
I speak from the experience. Nothing will make me pour a cup of coffee down the sink faster than POWDERED ‘Mate.
No matter. Just like NASCAR, I’m sure some people enjoy the powdered stuff.
And, as far as the contents of our fridge goes, I’m not talking about this little plate of mac and cheese, either.
Why the boy thought that saving a plate of half-eaten macaroni and cheese without plastic wrap on it would be a good idea is beyond me. Congealed macaroni on Day Two can be used as mortar and ammunition in a pellet gun.
What I was hoping y’all would see in our refrigerator is this little gem:
Yes… Worms. Of the EARTHWORM variety. Of the LEFTOVER FROM THE BOY’S LAST FISHING TRIP variety.
Try mistaking THAT TUB for the margarine, people.
It’ll only happen once.
I speak from the experience.
And why we have earthworms still in our LG refrigerator when this morning’s temperature was a whopping 2 degrees above zero and the last time the boy went fishing was with Pa in LATE SEPTEMBER is beyond me.
But I think it speaks volumes about the type of people we are.
Clearly, we’re the kind of folks who wave a flag of challenge in the faces of PETA.
Right before we settle down with our THIRST AIDE hats and a good stock car race on the television.
I’m probably going to do a little housekeeping in the refrigerator tomorrow morning, in an effort to put those worms behind me.
Happy Tuesday night, y’all.