So my schedule overnight had just a touch of the crazy in it.
Thing 2, you see, went to bed at 8:00 last night. And then he got up at 8:45, because LISTEN, FOLKS! THERE IS A BURP IN MY BELLY, AND IT WON’T COME UP, AND HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO SLEEP THIS WAY? So he was patted and bounced and jiggled, and indeed! He eventually let a belch fly that would have made any redneck, Big Foot hunter plum proud. By 9:30, he was sleeping again, and so was I.
And then at 11:00, Thing 2 whined and said, “UM, YEAH. SO ALL OF THAT BURP ACTUALLY ISN’T OUT, AND WHICH ONE OF Y’ALL IS GONNA PAT MY BACK TO HELP A GUY OUT?” Of course, which one of y’all really means Mama, because Daddy was passed out cold and didn’t even hear the baby’s shouts. Thankfully, the burp came right out like a shot from a reliable musket, and Thing 2 was back asleep by 11:10.
And then he was whining at 11:30 in his bassinet, so I patted his back and rubbed his forehead, and he was back asleep at 11:40.
And then he was awake at 12:30. See the above paragraph, and simply repeat. More patting. More forehead rubbing. We were back asleep in ten minutes.
At 1:30, he decided that SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF CAPTAIN CAVEMAN! IF I DON’T GET A BOTTLE OF MILK RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, I COULD POSSIBLY DIE! WHAT IS THIS? A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY WHERE WE DON’T GET TO EAT OVERNIGHT? So Mama got up with him, because Daddy was still passed out cold and oblivious to the night of leisure we were experiencing.
Thing 2 was back asleep at 2:00.
And then he was up at 2:30, because of COULD YOU TRY BURPING ME ONE MORE TIME? I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME, BUT MY ABILITY TO BELCH LIKE A GENUINE SWAMP MAN HAS SOMEHOW BECOME COMPROMISED, AND I CAN’T GET A BURP UP.
So we burped.
And then we were asleep at 2:45.
And then Thing 2 was up at 3:30, and he shouted, “HEY! IS ALL THAT SIMILAC GONE? OR COULD A FELLOW GET ANOTHER SHOT OF IT?”
So we had a bottle. And surprise! Hubs woke up, and this is what he said:
“Wow. It’s 3:30, and Thing 2 is just now waking up? He’s done really well tonight!” There was pride in Hubs’ voice over his baby son’s ability to sleep from 8 PM to 3:30 AM.
I may have strangled Hubs at 3:30 this morning. You’ll have to watch the 10:00 news tonight to check.
At 3:50, we were all back in bed.
At 4:15, Thing 2 was fussing again. I patted his back and rubbed his forehead. He was asleep at 4:20.
At 5:00 this morning, Thing 2 popped his eyes open and said, “WELL GOOD MORNING, Y’ALL! I AM READY FOR A SNACK! WHO HAS THE MILK? I JUST WANT A COUPLE OF GULPS — NOT A FULL-ON CHRISTMAS DINNER! AND I WOULD LIKE TO GIGGLE AT YOU AND DO SOME KICKING AND GRINNING AND WOW! I HAVE GOT TO STRETCH, AND WHERE DID YOU SAY THAT MILK WAS AT?”
I hope everyone can understand why I’m going to bed a bit earlier than normal tonight.