Do you know what I have tonight?
(I mean, other than an enormous desire to shove a knitting needle down into the Styrofoam wrap around my leg that the wound therapist taped me up in, and just SCRATCH UNTIL THE COWS HOME?)
(If you’ve ever wondered to yourself, “Would wrapping some sort of simulated Styrofoam around a leg cause some itching,” I’m here to assure you of this: IT WILL GENERATE AN ITCH THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO HOLD ONTO THE BATHROOM COUNTER AND PANT WITH EXHAUSTION.)
(But… and some of you have asked… my leg is really improving. Having a boa constrictor wrapped around your calf for an entire week will push the unnecessary fluid right on out, even if said fluid has been building up there since October of 2000. Hallelujah and amen!)
I just have a list for y’all tonight, because I can’t get my act together enough to tie any of these things together in any way that would be coherent enough to earn a passing grade in 7th grade composition. (Also? That sentence is suffering a bit from the Run-On Disease, but I’m not even in the mood to try to fix it.)
1. We’re still going strong over here without eating out. And by not eating out, I mean without calling Jimmy John’s and asking them to bring some sandwiches on up to our place. The boy found a little tin sign in a novelty shop in the city today (Where… yes! I parallel parked and gave myself an A- on form and placement.) that read, “The only reason that I have a kitchen is because it came with our house.” The boy thought that we needed this sign; he thought he was hysterical.
But listen. I think I have “arrived.” Yesterday was one of those days where the pantry contents were low. Our windchill was a MINUS FOUR (I hate winter already.), and what I really wanted to do was get piping hot nachos from the local Mexican hotspot down the hill from us. What I did instead was pull various cans from my pantry shelves, and I made a soup in my crockpot on a whim. As in… I DID NOT HAVE A RECIPE FOR THIS SOUP. I opened cans. I dumped cans. I browned some hamburger, diced an onion and sprinkled it all with love, love, and more love. And? Well, that soup was twenty-four kinds of wonderful. This housemom fed her fraternity of boys, and she fed them well.
2. Did I mention MINUS FOUR yesterday? If you need me, I’ll be under an electric blanket, in front of our fireplace. Even though my estrogen is playing hide-and-seek kind of games with me lately, I’ve decided that now I’m cold. Like… THE COLD OF THE ELDERLY type of cold. It just reminded me why I don’t ski. I’d really come to love outdoor winter sports if they were… you know… INDOORS. By the fire. With hot cocoa at the finish line.
3. Do you know how some kids just stay clean all day long? Yeah… me neither. But really, the boy is MOSTLY clean. And then there’s Thing 2. Snack time is an aerobic sport with him, which involves his entire body… but mostly just the front of his shirt and his face.
I present these snapshots as photographic evidence.
5. Thing 2 slept in until 6:35 this morning! I know! I was as shocked as y’all are to hear it, what with that little pumpkin being the type of kid who thinks 4:30 in the morning is a great time to fire up the toy tractors. By 6:20 this morning, I actually tiptoed into his bedroom to… well… CHECK. Just to make sure. And… whew! He was still breathing, and doing just fine, and DID I MENTION 6:35?!
This was the day that the Lord made; we were glad and rejoiced in it!
6. I don’t really even have a number six tonight. But I’ll tell you this: it’s exactly six degrees outside at the moment. It’s too cold to think. I feel like I’ve become rather high maintenance with the temperatures. It’s either too hot or too cold, and poor Goldilocks never feels just right any longer.
Y’all have a very merry weekend. And if you have any long knitting needles or wire coat hangers that I could borrow, my leg would be blessed by your generosity.