I Moonlight As A Hacker

I still have to post snapshots from Thing 2’s birthday party, where we invited his friends.

His friends who all use sippy cups and get excited about seeing an excavator out the Suburban window when they pass one on the street.

Having a room filled with toddlers who are jacked six ways to Sunday on birthday cake sugar is a ton of fun.  And I took a ton of pictures.  But the honest truth is that I haven’t had time to even sit down and look at that pile of photos on my memory card, because… well… it has been one of those weeks that started with a Monday and ended with a Monday, and was full of ALL THE BUSY in between the Mondays.

Today, though, I have to tell you that Hubs called me from work and asked if I was at home.  I wanted to tell him, “No; I’m out buying diamonds,” but he would never have fallen for it, because our credit cards are not big enough for diamonds.

Or even birthstones from the Walmart jewelry case, for that matter.

But yes… yes, I was at home, so Hubs had me (ME!!) log into a special web page that allowed him to view my computer screen FROM.  HIS.  OFFICE.  And suddenly there we were, talking on the phone, and Hubs was controlling the cursor on my computer monitor, from clear across town.

We used phrases like, “I’m in the system,” and “Russian spy,” which makes me hope that the FBI doesn’t show up to question me later.

But really, I just wanted to assure y’all that apparently — as a last resort — I can be quite useful in the world of HACKING.

(“Yes, I’m a stay-at-home sort of mom, who occasionally teaches PE classes here and there.  In my free time, I like to read and hack computers.”)

(I’m sure Sandra Bullock will play me when Hollywood makes a movie about my life.)

After I had hacked a computer and transferred millions of dollars to an offshore account, I dropped Thing 2 off at Grammy’s, and I went to the salon.

Where I had a pedicure…

… followed by a manicure.

Listen.  Computer hackers should always look well-polished and put together.

After my mini vacation at the salon, where NO ONE climbed all over me or said, “Hey, Mom?  Hey, Mom?  Hey, Mom?”, I came back home and discovered that apparently it was the maid’s day off.  This was because the house was in the same manner of HORRIBLENESS when I returned as it was when I left.  I really just wanted Rosario to come in and just please do the floors while I was out having my nails done, but she didn’t.


… my retired mama, who gets bored at home and who lives to serve other people (which pleases Jesus more than my decision to live to surf Pinterest), came over, and she VOLUNTEERED to help me clean.

Her crown in heaven is going to be full of the REAL diamonds.  Not those faux gems from the Walmart jewelry counter, but the REAL DEAL.  She’s going to sparkle her way straight through Heaven, for all the VOLUNTEERING TO VACUUM that she did here on Earth.

Anyway, if you think you can vacuum… you’re wrong.  It’s because my mother can out-vacuum Mr. Kirby himself.  Because?  Do you know how some people vacuum by swinging the vacuum cleaner around rugs and furniture?  Yeah… well… my mama MOVES THE RUGS AND THE FURNITURE.  She just moves them.  She bends over and picks them up, and she vacuums where they once sat, and GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH!  This is the way gold medals are won in vacuuming.

I’m what the Housekeeping Olympic Committee refers to as a “lazy vacuumer,” because area rugs are permanently glued to my floor, forever and ever, amen.

So now my house glitters like diamonds, and I kind of want all of us to go get a room at the Holiday Inn tonight, so that no one spills anything on my floors or touches my stainless steel refrigerator, because I USED THE POLISH TODAY, AND I GLOSSED THAT SUCKER RIGHT UP.  I may have a heart attack and need the paddles if someone’s dirty fingers touch those fridge doors.

So that was today.

But I do have some quick pictures to share with y’all, because I have hopes for the second son.  Our firstborn loathes the reading.  In fact, he is required to read one advanced-reading book per quarter at school and take a quiz over it.  He just finished this quarter’s book (which makes three books accomplished so far this year), and he said, “Well… I’m free from reading requirements until the end of school.  I have ONE MORE book to read, and then I’m on a nice, long summer vacation from reading!”

How I birthed him is beyond me.

But look at that second son of ours:

IMG_2973 IMG_2974 IMG_2977 IMG_2980 IMG_2981 IMG_2982 IMG_2983 IMG_2985 IMG_2987Yesterday it became very, VERY quiet in our house, which is NEVER a good thing.  Too much quiet usually means that Thing 2 is super-gluing steak knives to the hardwood floors or eating rubber bands.  I went in search of him, expecting the worst, and I found him in his rocking chair… READING.

My heart thumped with joy.

Honestly, though, I don’t know if all the joy-thumping was from the whole MY BOY IS READING or LOOK AT THOSE GLORIOUS CURLS.

Because those curls?  They kill me with their cuteness.  Hubs seems to think that a FIRST HAIRCUT is in order, but NO.  We’re gonna grow those curls OUT.

The computer hacker has spoken.

Y’all have a fantastic weekend.

2 thoughts on “I Moonlight As A Hacker

  1. Hey, Mama – are you sure you’re worried about fingerprints? From the pictures I’ve seen, you should be more worried about footprints!!

  2. Those boys are wonderful. Is there any thing besides computers number one boy likes. I was not an overly big reader unlit about 9th grade then I couldn’t get enough. Oxox

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