A Lot Of Words. A Lot Of Pictures. A Lot Of Weekend.

If I seem like I’m horribly distracted tonight, while I’m busy beating the keyboard and writing, it’s because I am.  All month long I have been dreading this upcoming week, because it’s the week that is going to make the twenty-two-year-old girl who shouts out, I HAVE FINALS ALL THIS WEEK, and I’M GRADUATING ON SATURDAY, and I’M GETTING MARRIED ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON, and YOU SHOULD SEE THE PINTEREST-WORTHY RECEPTION WE’RE HAVING WITH THE HAY BALES AND THE CANNING JARS FOR GLASSES seem like she might possibly have some free time.

Which is why… if you don’t see me in my executive desk chair with the rollerballs that can spin in circles here at Jedi Mama, Incorporated… you shouldn’t necessarily be alarmed.  I mean, it’s true… If I miss a couple of days in a row of posting on the blog this week, I MAY HAVE BEEN abducted by aliens, which means I’m probably throwing up all over their spaceship from motion sickness and experiencing zero gravity for the very first time, but chances are better that I’m just having motion sickness from everything that is written in my day planner.

Because this coming week?

Well.  There is no more room to write anything else in the little boxes on my calendar.  This is the week where we have something happening every single night.  It’s the week where I have something going on all day, every day, for pretty much the next seven days.  It’s the week in which we have been invited to FIVE (!!!) barbecues on Saturday night.  It’s the week when the boy has two school ceremonies at 7:30 AM.  It’s the week when I’ll wonder if I can just set the Fruity Pebbles on the kitchen counter, right beside the jug of milk, and call it dinner.  And also breakfast.  And perhaps lunch, on most days.  It’s the week when I said (clear back at the beginning of March, when my calendar was wide open) that YES!  I really WOULD enjoy subbing in the pre-kindergarten classroom for two entire days, from the opening prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance, to the LET’S CRAM THESE ALPHABET WORKSHEETS INTO YOUR BACKPACK AND GET YOU OUT THE DOOR TO YOUR MAMA BECAUSE IT’S 3:00, so that the real pre-k teacher could have five entire days off for Memorial Day Weekend to accommodate a family trip.

I have my theories that this is also going to be the week that makes me wish wine bottles were actually bigger than the standard-issued size.


Our weekend was very good.

I subbed in the pre-k classroom on Friday morning, because the teacher’s aide had to be out of town, and because I don’t teach PE on Fridays.  And also?  I love my little pre-k’ers, so I never mind popping into their classroom to help out.  But Friday was their day to ride the scooters on the playground (every class gets a day), so I spent a fair amount of time clicking bicycle helmets into place and making some tighter and loosening others and pinching the index finger of my right hand in the clasp once, which caused the Queen Mother of Blood Blisters.

I picked up some paperwork to file for Workman’s Comp.

I don’t know if any of y’all have ever actually SEEN seventeen four- and five-year-olds riding Razor scooters around a playground, but it’s sort of like being smack in the middle of a meteor shower that never quits.

I haven’t wanted a Dramamine tablet that bad since my last carnival experience.

On Friday afternoon, the boy had soccer practice, because this is the soccer season that won’t die.  I adore youth sports; I love to watch my boy kick a ball around.  But… I’m fairly certain I mentally checked out of soccer about ten days ago, because TODDLER ON THE SIDELINES!  TODDLER ON THE SIDELINES!  And if y’all don’t think that’s a workout which is equivalent to sprinting the Boston Marathon, have I got some news for you.

On Friday evening, the boy and Enzo and T went to see the new Godzilla movie, because they’re 7th grade boys.  A giant lizard destroying a city is one of their love languages, especially if it’s accompanied by a king-sized package of Twizzlers and a Mountain Dew.

T spent the night with us, and he and the boy got up early on Saturday morning to hit the golf course.  It was the boy’s debut into the 2014 Golf Season, because Small Town’s horrible spring weather has caused him to cancel FOUR tee times already.

I have no words for his excitement level when he got up on Saturday and realized that there was FINALLY SUNSHINE, because our boy loves himself some golf.

IMG_4046 IMG_4054 IMG_4048 IMG_4055 IMG_4041 IMG_4043 IMG_4066 IMG_4058 IMG_4069The boys golfed nine holes and then ordered cheeseburgers and fries from the clubhouse for lunch.

I suspect the second Mountain Dew of the weekend was also consumed, but I have no evidence of it.  Just call it “Mother’s Intuition,” since someone was talking quite rapidly and animatedly on Saturday afternoon.

When I picked the boy and T up, they tossed their clubs into the back of the Suburban, and I heard the boy sigh.  He said, “Mom… this might have been the best morning of my life!  I haven’t golfed since last year, and I might have just gotten my best score of ever!

So… you know… GAME ON!  Welcome, Golf Season 2014!  I will be handing over a significant amount of American dollars this summer to the local gas station, because my Suburban will be making numerous trips back and forth between our house and the two golf courses in town.

I never wanted to be filthy rich, anyway.

While the big boys were golfing, Hubs and I spent some time in the hardware store, because DANG YOU, PINTEREST!

I found a brilliant pin this past week, which involved funnels and clear tubing and zip ties and birdseed, which Hubs managed to assemble with ease.

We call it The Funnel Board, because we are terribly clever and original.  It’s a new feature on our deck, and let me tell you, Thing 2 is IN LOVE.

IMG_4086 IMG_4073 IMG_4074 IMG_4087We also discovered that 7th grade boys can be entertained by pouring birdseed through The Funnel Board, too.

In fact, our boys played with this board for ALMOST AN HOUR, PEOPLE!

In the land of toddlers, an hour is equivalent to six entire weeks.

IMG_4072 IMG_4077 IMG_4079 IMG_4080 IMG_4082 IMG_4085 IMG_4092 IMG_4098I’m sure that our board could have been made fancier with a can of spray paint and some bedazzling, but listen:  Our toddler loves it.  Our thirteen-year-old loves it.  Hubs and I had sixty entire minutes on Saturday where we were not pulling Thing 2 to safety from the top of a refrigerator that he had climbed.  This is a big WIN in our playbook, and we don’t even care that we didn’t take the time to fancy it up any.

So BOOM!  It was a Pinterest success story, regardless of the fact that our pegboard is standard-issue white.

Our deck got scrubbed up on Saturday afternoon, to usher us into a season of WHITE RUSSIANS OVER ICE IN THE DECK CHAIRS TONIGHT!  The deck furniture was hauled out of the storage house… everything was washed up with some soap and elbow grease… flowers were planted in the pots… and we celebrated our hard work with a delicious, gourmet dinner of frozen fish sticks, cooked to perfection at 425, at the patio table that night.

This morning, Thing 2 and I had our chai tea on the deck at 6:45 AM.  It may or may not have been my second cup of the morning, because 6:45 can feel like stinking lunchtime when you wake up before the donut makers.

And, because I’m at the forefront of the Mother of the Year, ’14 Award, we had MORE sensory play outside this morning.

I tossed some rocks into a bowl.  I squirted shaving cream all over them.  I handed a paintbrush and a squirt bottle to Thing 2 and said, “Wash the rocks, Baby.  Mama is going to sit here with her chai and try to wake up.”


The answer is YES.  I really DO know that Thing 2 was a walking fashion faux pas this morning.  I fully expected Clint and Stacy to show up on my deck and shake their heads at him, as he was a full-on representation of WHAT NOT TO WEAR.

I believe it’s called HE MIXED THE PATTERNS, because the Grinch jacket was paired with the hand-me-down, sea-creature pajamas.

IMG_4113 IMG_4115 IMG_4116 IMG_4118 IMG_4121 IMG_4123 IMG_4127 IMG_4132Of course, we had to TASTE the shaving cream…

IMG_4134… and we decided it was flat-out, stinking TERRIBLE.

Thing 2 pretty much summed it up by gasping, “Yuck!  Yuck!  YUCK!!!”

IMG_4136 IMG_4144 IMG_4148 IMG_4152 IMG_4155 IMG_4157 IMG_4160 IMG_4170 IMG_4182 IMG_4185 IMG_4193 IMG_4199 IMG_4200 IMG_4207 IMG_4210 IMG_4214 IMG_4225 IMG_4249 IMG_4250Later, we got ourselves all dolled up for church.

Please be happy, because Thing 2 wore a respectable outfit that could have made it into the GQ magazine.

And then!

My niece, L, was baptized by Pastor John during our service this morning!  We’re kind of proud of that little gal for boldly declaring that she likes Jesus quite a bit!

IMG_4260 IMG_4263 IMG_4267 IMG_4269 IMG_4272 IMG_4274 IMG_4298So that was our weekend, people.

There was some more time spent outside.  There was cold sandwiches made out of leftover fish sticks, because we are GLAMOROUS and FRIGHTFULLY FANCY and VERY REFINED.  There was more flower planting and a load of laundry that managed to get done, and now…

… well…

… I think I’m ready to take a deep breath and dive into THE WEEK OF ALL THE TERRIBLY BUSY.

With any luck at all, you may see me a couple of times here at Jedi Mama this week, but… if you’re natural color isn’t blue… don’t hold your breath.  I think some things are gonna have to give this week, and the blog might be one of them.

Happy Sunday.

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