This morning when I read the news online, there was an article entitled SIX SIGNS THAT YOUR SPOUSE MAY BE HIDING MONEY FROM YOU. Of course I wanted to read that little gem, because WAS HUBS STUFFING DOLLAR BILLS INTO HIS SOCKS AND NOT LETTING ME GO TO STARBUCKS AS MANY TIMES AS I COULD EACH MONTH? And also, WHAT IF HE WAS HIDING ENOUGH CASH THAT WE COULD BE SITTING ON A BEACH RIGHT NOW? I was determined to find out.
The glitch came in the small fact that my computer guru husband has completely disabled every single advertisement from ever being seen at our house. When I clicked on the link for this article, there were too many ads involved, so it was blocked. Granted, I didn’t have to suffer through sixteen seconds of a commercial for Mercedes Benz, but it also meant that I will now have to live out the rest of my life, never knowing the signs that my husband may be hiding money from me.
(Also? When we watch Hulu? We don’t get any commercials any more. Thanks to Hubs’ ingenuity and the fact that he feels violated when he is exposed to commercials he can’t skip, we now have twenty seconds of NOTHING between our show segments.)
Later this morning, I had to take my old booklet of checks out of my checkbook, which was no longer really a booklet of checks. All of the checks and deposit slips had long been used, and I’d been waiting by my mailbox for this next order of checks to arrive, because SOMEONE DIDN’T ORDER THEM IN A TIMELY MANNER. But really, I wasn’t concerned, because HELLO, DEBIT CARD! What do we even need checks for any more? So I pulled the little flap of thin cardboard out of my checkbook, which had once been a booklet of checks, and… AND!!!… three twenty-dollar bills came out with it.
People, I found sixty bucks in cold, hard cash in my checkbook, that I don’t even remember putting in there.
Obviously, Hubs should disable his BLOCK ALL THE ADVERTISEMENTS AT ALL TIMES bit of technology and watch a little video called SIX SIGNS THAT YOUR SPOUSE MAY BE HIDING MONEY FROM YOU.
Of course, this led me to do an entire search of every pocket, crevice and hole in my checkbook, to see if I’d hidden other big bills from myself. Sadly, sixty bucks was it.
But listen, Hubs… I’ve apparently been hiding sixty dollars from you… and also from myself.
Then, I was having some computer issues this morning. Apparently, my Big Mac completely vaporized my desktop and left me with a generic photo of ocean waves and a button saying HERE. USE SAFARI. I KNOW IT’S NOT YOUR REGULAR SEARCH ENGINE, BUT IT’S ALL YOU’RE GETTING TODAY. OH, AND YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY BOOKMARKS, BECAUSE I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF WIPING THOSE ALL CLEAN FOR YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY. I suspect that the fact that we now block all advertisements at our house MAY have something to do with this. I called Hubs on the phone about it, and he gave me a seventy-six digit code to insert in some spot, and then told me to add oxygen to the flux capacitator and my head almost exploded. This is why I simply told him, “Don’t worry about it; you can just look at it tonight.” Because? Have I ever mentioned that fixing computers is not an area that I feel comfortable in?
Imagine my surprise when Hubs came home at 1:30 this afternoon to look into the issue of DISOBEDIENT COMPUTER, and found (AHEM!!!) his wife sound asleep on the sofa, while his toddler napped.
And… it wasn’t just a case of, “Oh, sorry. I must’ve dozed off there for a couple of seconds.” Nope. It was a full-on, black-out type of nap, that involved drooling and a severe bedhead, and me kind of fumbling with my phone nearby to check on THE DATE. Like, was it still 2015? Did we cross over into May while I was sleeping? In my defense, though… I’VE BEEN REALLY SICK THIS WEEK!
I’m sure that all the reasons why Hubs thought I would make the perfect wife for him in 1995 were revisited today.
SHE HIDES MONEY FROM HIM, AND SHE PASSES OUT ON THE SOFA WHILE HE’S AT WORK. Yep. That girl there is THE RIGHT GIRL kind of material; I should put a ring on her.
In other news, Thing 2 went to preschool today. The kids in his class painted pictures of the earth, for Earth Day yesterday. Since he doesn’t go to preschool on Wednesdays, they let him paint his earth today, so that he could finish the project with the rest of the class. When I asked our toddler if he’d painted today at school, he said, “Yep.” I asked, “What did you paint?” He told me, “An egg.” I said, “An egg? Your teacher said that you painted the world. I think you painted the earth.” Thing 2 just shook his head and said, “Mine was an egg, Mom.”
He’s obviously getting our money’s worth out of his preschool education.
Earth. Egg. Whatever.
Anyway. If he looked like a little punk in the pictures on yesterday’s blog post (And yes… yes, he did.), he looks like a sweet little bundle of yumminess in these snapshots, which I managed to pop off before he left for school this morning.