* tap… tap… tap*
Is this thing on?
Um… Hi. My name is Mama, and I… uh… used to blog here. And then the video card went out on my Big Mac, but Hubs resurrected it. The bummer is that Hubs isn’t God, and his resurrection of the monitor on my Apple computer was, apparently, a temporary fix, which all went up in a plume of black smoke the day after I thought everything was fine… just fine. Thankfully, God’s resurrection of Jesus was a bit more permanent and lasting than what Hubs is capable of pulling off.
And that, my friends, was the end of the Apple that has sat on our giant desk for the past five years. It was the end, because, if I’m to believe price checks, a new video card costs in the three-digits (THE! THREE!!! DIGITS!!!), and we did not win the lottery of $1.5 billion dollars last night.
Oh, it wasn’t from a lack of trying, because listen! We bought a single ticket. It’s because we’re hardcore gamblers around here, and also because $10 was our entire monthly gambling budget. Dave Ramsey would’ve been so proud of us. Hubs let the the computer randomly pick our numbers, leaving the entire gambling attempt up to chance. That’s not how I would’ve done it, because I would have picked numbers that translated into THIS IS THE DATE HUBS AND I FIRST SAW A MOVIE TOGETHER and THIS IS THE DATE WHEN HUBS FINALLY WORKED UP ENOUGH NERVE TO KISS ME. I’m fairly certain that had Hubs even known those dates and been able to translate them into numbers, we would now be sitting in the lap of luxury, with an overly-inflated bank account and 300,000 newly discovered friends, inviting us over for dinner.
And then… THEN… I would have bought myself a new video card for my beloved Apple’s dead monitor. Oh, heck… Let’s tell the truth here: I would have bought an entirely new Apple laptop, that was paper-thin and able to fit in a fancy, floral laptop bag with a nice, padded shoulder strap, which I also would have purchased with my $1.5 billion winnings.
And then I would have hired a personal chef, who would come over every afternoon about 3:00 to prepare us a dinner that didn’t consist of anything made with Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup.
Sadly, we were not one of those who held in our hot little hands one of the three winning lottery tickets, which meant, in a nutshell, that Hubs had to go into work this morning. All last night, he kept declaring, “If I wake up and my numbers were the winners, I will take Thursday off. And then I’ll take Friday off. And then I’ll take February through December off.”
I do not have a new video card at the moment, because life has gotten in the way of that. Primarily, it’s gotten in the way in the form of HERE ARE ALL THE BILLS FROM THING 2’S EAR TUBE SURGERY IN NOVEMBER and HAVE YOU HEARD THE SQUEALING YOUR SUBURBAN IS MAKING RIGHT NOW? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DEATH RATTLE WITH THE VULTURES CIRCLING OVERHEAD. If anything needs a resurrection, it’s Bubba the Suburban. She’s old and she’s coughing, and she usually needs a shawl around her cold shoulders, if you want her to take you anywhere.
So, I’m using the boy’s fancy new laptop, but listen: I’m not famous for my laptop-using skills, and the heel of my hand keeps hitting the little mouse pad below the space bar while I type, and then BOOM! HELLO, CURSOR IN THE VERY WRONG SPOT! It’s all just a headache, because I’m old fashioned, and I like that mouse that is entirely separate from the keyboard.
Don’t judge me.
Anyway, with any luck at all, I will attempt to start blogging at this site again, seeing as how I don’t really know how to crack passwords and access fancier blogs to write at, that pay real dollars to their authors, because those folks actually know what they’re doing. I’m just a girl, staring at a laptop she doesn’t know how to use all that well, and hoping she can put these words onto your computer screen without too many problems.
So, carry on, y’all, and do have a happy weekend.
Even though I’m guessing none of you managed to win that enormous lottery payout either.